


I'll Be Waiting

by electric_eel



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 11:20:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 29,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12131352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electric_eel/pseuds/electric_eel





	1. Chapter 1

Everything was so grey. It was cold and murky, like nothing she's ever experienced before. Never ending nothingness with seemingly no way out. And then a voice. Familiar and comfortable, as though it were wrapping her entire existence in a warm blanket. She'd swim up through the fog, towards the voice, but she'd never surface, eventually falling again, sinking back into the dark sea. And all would be quiet. 

But then, some an indeterminable amount of time later, the voice would return. And every day she'd get closer to the light. She'd begin to feel. First on her hand, announcing the voices presence. And then on her face. Feather light kisses on her forehead, the softest touch in her hair, a faint whisper in her ear, the gentlest stroke of a hand on her cheek- and then it would all stop. 

But one day she continued to swim through the fog. She was closer than she'd ever been to the surface, she could sense light. She pushed and pushed, trying to break through and eventually she was at the surface. Her eyelids were heavy and uncooperative, but then came the voice in her ear. It whispered gentle I love you's and assured her it was okay to wake up now. 

Gathering her strength she opened her eyes, straining a bit against the light. She felt the now familiar gentle sensation of his lips on her temple. She remained silent, unsure of, well, anything really. 

He pulled away from her and their eyes met. 

"Donna," he managed to choke out, instantly becoming emotional. "Donna?" He asked again when she didn't respond. He stared at her, willing her to speak, before turning his head over his shoulder and yelling for a nurse. 

He turned back to her, kissing her forehead and clasping her frail hand in his. "Everything's going to be okay," he assured her. "I'm so glad to see you," he managed a smile. 

Donna blinked for a few moments, staring at him. "It's you," she barely managed to choke out. She'd know his voice anywhere. It had soothed her in the darkness.

He exhaled slowly. "Yeah," he almost whispered. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

Studying everything around her curiously, she furrowed her brow a bit. "But... who are you?"

Josh stood beside her, stunned. He couldn't bring himself to form a sentence. He ducked his face down, closer to her line of vision. "It's me... Josh."

She still wore a look of confusion on her face as Stacy, the on duty nurse, came in followed closely by Dr. Benson, Donna's neurologist. 

Josh continued to hold her hand, and Donna didn't pull away. 

"Donna, I'm going to ask you some questions now. Can you tell me your date of birth," Dr. Benson asked. "And your middle name?"

Donna spouted off the answers with no problem. 

"Great," the doctor removed a small flashlight and looked into Donna's eyes, catching her somewhat off guard. "And Donna can you tell me who the current president is," the doctor smiled and winked at Josh, having become well accustomed to Donna's protective visitor. 

"Lassiter," she responded confidently, causing Josh to freeze where he stood, panic rising inside of him. 

"Donna," the nurse softly continued, trying for a more straightforward approach. "Can you tell me what year it is?"

"1997," Donna said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

Josh dropped into the chair by her bed, stunned into silence. 

Dr. Benson and Stacy looked at each other. 

"We're at University Hospital in Madison, Wisconsin, right? What happened to me? Where's Mark?"

"Mark?" The nurse raised her eyebrows to Josh, who had put his head effectively between his knees in order to keep himself from literally throwing up. 

Josh shook his head, "Oh god," he muttered, realizing Donna was asking for Dr. Freeride. 

"Can you give us a minute," Josh requested, trying to catch his breath. 

"A quick word, Mr. Lyman," Dr. Benson interjected, motioning him into the hall. 

Josh stepped into the hallway, running his hands through his hair, trying to get a grasp on what was happening. "What's going on?" Josh looked longingly back towards the hospital room, watching Donna closely as the nurse took her blood pressure. 

"All things considered she seems to be doing pretty well," Dr. Benson started with the positive. "When someone has been unconscious that long it can bring on a host of issues, but Donna seems to have her cognitive function from what I've seen."

"She thinks it's 1997 and she's living in Wisconsin with that asshole..." Josh didn't understand how the neurologist could think this was okay. 

Dr. Benson held out her hand to silence her. "It may be very temporary, Mr. Lyman," she stated. "I'd like to run some additional tests and have another conversation with her, but not tonight. She needs to rest."

Josh nodded his understanding, scrubbing his hand over his face and trying to hold himself together. 

"As her medical power of attorney I'll just need your signature to authorize the CT." Josh scribbled his consent on the form. 

"What happens next?"

"Well, given her physical condition she can be discharged from our facility, probably by the end of the week. She'll be extremely weak for a while but she doesn't seem to have any other lingering injuries, other than the PT that will be needed for everything that's healed already. As for her memory- it's anyone's guess. Only time will tell."

Josh gulped, unsure of how to proceed.

"It's best not to force anything. Don't unload the last 5 years on her all at once, let her brain try to rest and figure out what it can on its own. If she asks you questions answer her truthfully but don't pry," he told Josh. "Why don't you stop by my office tomorrow when you visit. We can go over some more of the specifics of Donna's condition when I know more."

Josh nodded his agreement returning to Donna's room. She was nodding off again. Settling in to his standard seat next to her bed, he leaned back, content to just be near her. She was soon lost in a deep sleep, helped along by some painkillers given to her for her headache. Josh kissed her goodnight on the temple once again and gently closed the door to her room. He'd come back in the morning so they could finish their little talk. 

Walking out of the rehabilitation center and into the cool night air, he paid no attention to the late hour. Though she may not remember everything, or anything, he would still take the overall victory of seeing her smile today. 

He flipped open the phone and dialed, smiling from ear to ear. "Mom?" He questioned. 

"Joshua? What's wrong. It's nearly 2 am!"

"She's awake!" He all but yelled. "Donna woke up."

XxxxxxxxxX

 

I'm back! (Or did I really ever leave?)

so, let me know what you think of this so far I realize it probably leaves you with more questions than it does answers but we'll get there Thur and out my writing is a lot more angst-y than I ever thought it would be, but here goes!

I'll also be writing another story simultaneously... the other one was my original intent with smoke and mirrors but they morphed into two very different creatures. it will be considerably more light hearted though. (A contrast from this). look for the first chapter of that to be up soon as well!


	2. Chapter 2

Donna woke the next morning when the sunlight began bleeding through her curtains. She stirred a bit, her surroundings were still unfamiliar, but at least the pounding had subsided in her head. Concentrating, she recalled a few of the events from the night prior. She was in a hospital. Yes, that was it. But why? What happened? The last thing Donna could remember was leaving her shift at the restaurant and driving to the apartment she'd shared with Mark. Was she in a car accident? And where was Mark? He must be worried sick that she didn't come home last night. 

She began to inspect her body. Though she was weak and tired, there were no other signs of an accident. No bruising, no cuts and scrapes. And why did she look so thin?

Fumbling around a bit she hit the call button and the nurse from the night before appeared. "Hi Donna," she began with a chipper smile. "I'm glad you're awake. How are you feeling this morning?"

"Not too bad," Donna decided, not elaborating on her confusion any further at the moment. "Could I possibly trouble you for a glass of water," Donna requested. 

"Certainly." Stacy poured her some water, found a straw and sat down beside her. "The shift is going to change and I'm going home in about thirty minutes," Stacy told her. "Karen will be your nurse today, and I'll be back this evening. I just wanted to let you know. I'm sure it's difficult to be meeting all of these new people. I'll peek in and introduce her before I leave, but Mr. Lyman is always here during shift change."

"He... is?" Donna was perplexed. 

Stacy nodded her head affirmatively. "Comes in every morning on his way to work and has breakfast with you. Then he stops on his way home and sits with you. That's usually pretty late though. He keeps long hours."

"Oh." She was even more confused. Who was this guy?

"Where is everyone else," Donna asked quietly. She didn't know who else to talk to, so she was going to trust Stacy. "Where's Mark? Is he on call? And my parents?"

"I'm not sure who Mark is, sweetie. I just know Mr. Lyman. Sometimes Ms. Cregg comes too," she offered. 

Donna wasn't sure who Ms. Cregg was but she made a mental note to remember the name. 

She looked around the room. It didn't appear to be a regular hospital room. "Who are those flowers from," she asked, noting two colorful vases. 

"Mr. Lyman brings you flowers on Mondays and Thursdays," she told her. "The man is a creature of habit."

As if on cue, Josh fumbled through the doorway, his hands full. "Good Morning," he grinned at her, glad to see he was awake. Though he was essentially a stranger to her she felt herself drawn to his smile, which was now revealing full dimples. She couldn't help but notice how rumpled he looked first thing in the morning. 

"Hi," she offered shyly as he walked over towards her, sitting a few things down on a table which he rolled over to her. 

"These are for you," he began, switching out some of the more tired blooms in a vase by her bed for a fresh bouquet of brightly colored blooms. He then sat down a cup, "London Fog," he noted, sliding it towards her, "and a croissant," he handed her a small white pastry bag.

"How are you feeling," he asked, procuring a doughnut of some kind out of the small bag and popping the lid off of a coffee that looked to be more cream and sugar than anything else. 

"Fine," I told him, unsure of what in the hell was going on. 

"So, umm... Josh, right?" He'd introduced himself to me as Josh last night, I was fairly sure. 

He looked at me and hesitantly nodded his head. 

"You know I like London fogs?"

He laughed. "I do. You drink them on special occasions. And I, Donna, am a man of occasion."

"What are we celebrating," she asked. 

"You," he shot her another dimpled grin and she felt herself blush. "You're awake," he told her. 

"Oh, well, that's very nice of you," she hedged. "But you don't have to stay. I'm sure Mark will be right up. Has someone called him?"

Josh let out a deep sigh and sat his coffee cup down on the bedside table. "Donna," he began gently. "You were in an accident, and you hit your head. You don't seem to be remembering everything clearly. You're not in Madison, okay?" He stopped to see if she was comprehending what he told her. "You're in Washington DC, where you live." He lightly touched her hand for support. 

"I- what?" She looked so confused, his heart ached for her. 

"You seem to be... forgetful." He didn't want to freak her out. 

"Are you saying I have some kind of... of.... amnesia?!" Donna jerked her hand back, not sure if she could trust him. 

He tried to pretend the sudden loss of physical contact with her didn't matter to him. "It may just be temporary," he told her. "Dr. Benson, your neurologist, would like to run a few tests if that's okay with you."

Donna blinked a few times, shocked at what she was hearing. 

"Donna, yesterday they asked you what year it was," he continued gently. "Do you know what year it is?"

No matter how difficult they had to continue with their conversation. He'd talked to Dr. Benson on the way in this morning and they'd agreed that Josh could be the one to tell her what had happened. Josh didn't want her to hear it from a stranger though right now he was realizing that he, too, was a stranger to her. 

"It's 1997," she told him.

"Donna, it's 2002."

"Wh-what? No. You're wrong. I was driving home from work last night and I must have wrecked my car. I- someone told me I was in an accident. Where is my car? Where's Mark? He's going to be furious."

"Donna, listen to me," he spoke with more force this time, needing to pull her out of her runaway emotions. "You and Mark didn't work out. You left him."

"I- oh. But... why?"

Josh sighed. "I don't know all the details, but you haven't seen him in almost 5 years."

She looked as though she'd just been slapped. Her chin began to quiver and she felt a panic growing inside of her. Josh senses it and continued. 

"You have an amazing life, Donna," he told her. "You've accomplished so much and you have done so well for yourself. You're happy. And you have so many people who care about you and are going to help you get through this."

"Thank you," she muttered. "So if Mark isn't here, are my parents?" She was hopeful for a familiar face. A face she remembered. 

Josh looked away from her. "No, they're not here right now. Just, um, just me."

"Oh. Well where are they?"

"In Wisconsin," he told her. "They- you-" he sighed. "You aren't so close to them anymore. But I'm sure they'll be thrilled to hear how well you're doing. And that you're awake. I've been keeping them updated," he told her. Well, as updated as he could keep two moderately indifferent people. 

She nodded her head. "So, you... you were here last night?"

"I was," he nodded. 

"And Stacy told me you come twice a day."

He nodded, smiling sheepishly. He wasn't going to advertise that but yes, he had been. 

"And it's 2002. And I live in Washington DC," she got teary again. "And I don't know anyone and everyone I love is in Wisconsin. And I can't remember the last five years." 

Now she was full on crying and Josh panicked. He moved towards her, which seemed to make her all the more uncomfortable. "Would you like me to call a nurse," he offered. 

"No," she shook her head. "I have a few more questions."

"Okay, that's good," Josh told her sitting on the side of her bed but allowing her ample space. 

"Will you tell me about my life? Do I have a boyfriend? Or kids? What do I do for a living?"

"You're the Deputy Deputy Chief of Staff," Josh shot her a smirk. "And you're damn good at it."

"Okay..."

"You're not seeing anyone at the moment. You've dated a few local gom-" he stopped himself short, not wanting to tease her right now. "A few local guys but nothing incredibly serious. You work a lot, your job is very demanding," he laughed. 

"Oh," she seemed almost disappointed. Trying to wrap her mind around it all, she changed the subject. "So, Josh, how long have you been working here?"

"What?" His eyebrows shot up. 

"And do you always bring your patients breakfast, or just the most pathetic ones," she added. 

His heart sank yet again. "You're not pathetic, Donna, and don't ever say that about yourself again. And I don't work here."

"You don't? Then why are you here every day?" 

"To visit you."

"Oh.... Kay..."

"And what do you do?"

"I'm the Deputy Chief of Staff to the President."

"Oh my god," she pulled the covers up over herself, embarrassed. "I'm so sorry, Mr. Lyman. I'm your secretary and- I didn't know. And I've been crying and, oh god."

Josh laughed. "Slow down there, Donnatella. First of all, you just call me Josh. And second- it's not like that. We're friends. Very close friends. You're not my secretary, you're my other half. I want you to remember that. You have done amazing things over the last years- you've made huge pieces of legislation possible, you helped get a good man elected, and you've improved so many people's lives, just to name a few."

"How did I get a job like that," she wondered if this was all a mistake- or a fever dream for that matter.

Josh gladly explained her arrival in New Hampshire and time on the campaign. He told her he'd found her valuable and hired her when they won the White House. He answered all of her subsequent questions and she was quiet for a moment. 

"Maybe that's enough for today," he told her. "But you have an appointment at the hospital for a scan this afternoon. I can take you but I understand if you're not comfortable with that."

She squirmed a bit. She really wasn't but she didn't know what choice she had. She shrugged her shoulders. 

"I can bring CJ, if that would help," he offered. "She's your closest friend."

"Umm... I'm not sure."

"She can't wait to see you," he offered. "Everyone is going to be so excited to hear that you're awake."

"Oh. Well, okay," she consented. "Wait, if I'm not in a hospital, where am I?"

"You're in a rehab facility in Georgetown," he explained.

"And how long have I been, you know... out?"

Josh looked away for a minute and then back to her. "136 days."

OoooooooO

137 Days Prior

"Just stay here."

"No."

"Come on, it's late. Besides, you don't even have a bed at your place anymore."

Josh, Donna and Sam had spent the day moving Donna's things into Josh's storage space. The lease was up on her old apartment and she was going to sublet a new place. Due to a 1 day gap between leases, she was intending to crash at Josh's tomorrow and move her things in the coming weekend. 

"I have to go. I still have a few things to clean up and if I don't go now I'll never get to them."

"It's late," Josh wined from the couch. "And I don't, you know, like it, when you're wandering around late at night in that neighborhood." 

Contrary to public opinion, Josh wasn't that far in denial. He knew most people didn't do that for their assistant. But Donna wasn't just his assistant. And he'd hoped, now that they had just won reelection, that he could finally be honest with her. They had a quiet mutual understanding of their feelings, both waiting for the right moment. Tomorrow, he hoped, would be the right moment. Josh has all the plans made- he was going to woo her. And with any luck she wouldn't be moving out of his guest room in 2 days. 

"Josh, I have to go. Debates over." They'd spent the evening buried in the highways bill and she'd lost track of time. 

"Fine," Josh relented, getting up and pulling on his shoes. 

"Where are you going," Donna eyeballed him as she pulled her coat on. 

"I'm following you home," he stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Make sure you get there okay."

She sighed. He did this from time to time. If you looked up 'worry' in the dictionary there would be a photo of Josh Lyman. 

"Fine." She could get home on her own, but it was wasn't worth the fight that night. And, if she would admit it to herself, she found Josh's overbearing protection normal and, though moderately annoying, it was also somewhat comforting. It was Josh. It was just who he was. 

They walked out to their cars and Josh followed her across town. Turning right into her neighborhood she never even saw the truck run the red light and hit her car at full speed. 

But only a few feet behind her, Josh saw it all.


	3. Chapter 3

Josh strode into senior staff a few minutes late.

"Glad you decided to join us, Josh," Leo noted, glancing at the younger man over his glasses.

"I was having breakfast with Donna," he told them triumphantly.

"You have breakfast with Donna every day," Toby commented causally.

"Yeah, but she was awake today," Josh grinned, immediately captivating the attention of the entire room.

CJ stood up to give him a hug, followed by Sam. Even Toby touched his hand to his heart, saying a silent prayer of thanks.

Leo immediately retrieved the President from the Oval so Josh only had to answer one round of questions.

"Charlie! Join us," President Bartlet bellowed, knowing his body man would want to hear about Donna as well.

Josh filled them in on as much as he could, telling them that he had an appointment with the First Lady and he'd know more after that.

Walking quickly to the east wing he was shown immediately into Abby Bartlet's office. She gave him a warm hug, telling him how glad she was to hear about Donna.

"You saw her medical records?" Josh asked. "I had Dr. Benson forward them."

"I did. Josh, they'll know more after they run some diagnostics this afternoon but right now it looks as though she's been diagnosed with retrograde amnesia that's effecting her episodic memory."

"And what does that mean?" Dr. Benson had attempted to explain it to Josh this morning but he was too anxious to see Donna to listen.

"Essentially, that her mind is missing a chunk of memories. They're not gone forever, they're just locked away right now, and she's still looking for the key."

"But they'll come back?"

Abby sighed. "It's hard to say. Each case with something like this is different, Josh. There's really nothing that can be done, you just have to let her mind recover. Be supportive and give her time."

"But there's got to be something I can do. Things I can tell her or places I can take her-"

Abby cut him off. "Don't overwhelm her, Josh. Stress is only going to make it worse. As upset about this as you are, imagine yourself in her shoes. She just woke up in a new world. Allow her to rest and heal. All we can do is hope for the best."

Josh nodded his head in understanding.

"She'll be able to remember how to do little things like, I don't know, ride a bicycle or cook dinner, she doesn't have any issues there. It's just the little things."

"She's had a lot of questions," Josh began.

"That's normal. I'd think I'd want to know about my life if I were her, wouldn't you?"

He nodded that he would.

"Just don't lay it on too strong, but answer her honestly. In these situations people hear stories and think that maybe the memories are returning, so it might not help to have something that only the two of you would know that you keep to yourself. Something that, if she mentioned it, you'd know came from her own memory. Do you have anything like that, Josh," Abby asked genuinely.

"Oh, I can think of something," Josh muttered, remembering that cold night on a park bench last fall when he tried to fix the situation with Donna's diary.

"Good," she told him.

"I have another question," Josh began timidly. "As you know, I'm her medical power of attorney and I have all of her stuff at my house but..."

"She doesn't know you," Abby softened in tone. She'd always given Josh a hard time but she felt for him right now. She'd watched him really step up to the plate with Donna over the last months.

"Right. They're going to release her by the end of the week and I don't think it's a good idea for her to live alone but I don't want to make her uncomfortable either."

Abby tossed this around in her mind. "Be honest with her Josh, and let her make her own decision. Do you want me to pay her a visit?"

Josh looked up from the spot he was staring at on the carpet.

"I won't overwhelm her, but it might be nice for her to have someone to speak to that knows both of you."

Josh agreed. I'm going to ask CJ to come with us to the hospital today for the CT and MRI. I didn't want her to be scared to be, you know, alone with a strange guy."

Abby placed her hand on his shoulder. "You're doing great, Josh," she told him. "Let is know if you need anything, okay?"

He agreed, making his way back to his office to try and get a little work done before Donna's appointment.

OoooooooooO

A little embarrassed and more than a little weak, Donna rode out of the rehabilitation center in a wheelchair pushed by Josh. She'd changed clothes into a pair of comfortable, loose fitting sweats that Josh had brought her and they were heading to the hospital in his car.

She'd asked the nurses on day shift about him after he'd left and they'd all assured her he'd been in charge of her care and she had nothing to worry about with him.

Reaching the facility doors she felt the wheelchair stop, still several steps from the car. She became a little nervous, knowing she had no strength in her legs. Before she could even voice her concerns, however, she felt Josh pick her up, carrying her to the car door, which was being opened by a tall, thin woman.

"That's CJ," he whispered in her ear.

Donna nodded her understanding, appreciating that Josh was looking out for her. He placed her gently into the front seat and buckled her in, making sure he was okay before lightly closing her door and walking around to the other side of the car.

In an instant CJ was reaching around giving her the best hug she could with the barriers inside of the vehicle. "It's so good to see you!"

"Oh, um, thanks," Donna wasn't sure how to respond. "You too! It was so nice of you and Mr. Lyman to take time off of work. I'm sure your both very busy."

"Mr. Lyman?" CJ broke into laughter.

"Oh, I meant 'Josh.' I'm, sorry," Donna flushed bit at her mistake.

"It's okay, you can call me whatever you're most comfortable with," Josh gently assured her, starting the car and shooting a glare at CJ in the rear view mirror.

Realizing what she'd done, CJ instantly felt awful. "Donna, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I wasn't laughing at you I was laughing at, well, Josh."

"Hey!" Josh frightened offense.

"I'm just not used to calling my boss by his first name is all," Donna admitted.

"Well given the way you run his office, and his life, some days I'm not sure who's really in charge," CJ patted her on the shoulder, causing Donna to look at her and find some reassurance and humor in CJ's joking smile.

"Hey, I'm your boss too, you know," Josh commented.

"You just keep telling yourself that, backpack boy," CJ winked at Donna, settling into the back seat.

The ride to the hospital was fairly short, something for which CJ was grateful. It was difficult to make small talk with someone who didn't know you if you couldn't reference anything that had happened in the last 5 years.

Arriving at the hospital Donna was taken to radiology, Josh assuring her that he'd be in the waiting room if she needed anything. The hospital pushed her through the diagnostics quickly and they were soon back in the car, CJ and Donna waiting in a parking space while Josh ran in to get a to go order of soup for her from the deli.

"Josh seems nice," Donna commented, trying to fill the silence. "I can't believe he's having to do all of this for me, I feel so bad. I hate to put you guys out."

"You're not," CJ assured her. "There's a group of us, from work, and were- well, were family. Donna don't feel bad, Josh wants nothing more than to help you through this. He wants to be there for you. You've certainly always been there for him," CJ told her.

"I have?"

"Absolutely. You two are- well it's hard to describe, really. You're... yin and yang. You're two parts of the same whole."

Donna took a moment to process this. "Oh my God!"

CJ raised her eyebrows and looked at the younger woman.

"I don't have a degree, I don't have experience, I've been tying to figure out all day how I got this job..." Donna leaned a little closer, turning her voice to a whisper. "CJ did I sleep with my boss?!"

"No!" CJ almost shouted. "Donna, no. That's not who you are. And it's not who Josh is either. He's a good guy. You've earned your seat at the table, Donna. You're intelligent, well spoken and driven. Everything you've accomplished has been on your own merits," she told her, staring at Donna to make sure she understood. "You're just friends. Best friends, I'd say," CJ told her honestly.

Josh returned to the vehicle, causing the women to drop the topic. They returned to the rehabilitation center in much the same manner, CJ telling Donna she'd be back later in the week so they could chat some more. Donna nodded her head, appreciating her discretion and feeling less awkward around Josh as a result of their conversation.

CJ handed Donna her card. "Call me if you need anything, okay? ArYeah My assistant Carol knows you and will put you right through," she smiled warmly.

"Bye CJ, thanks for everything," she said with sincerity.

"Thanks Ceej," Josh chimed in. "We'll watch the afternoon briefing."

After settling Donna into bed she managed a few spoonfuls of broth before falling asleep, Josh settling in to get some work done from his laptop.

OooooooooooO

Donna woke a few hours later to find Josh sprawled out in the chair by her bed, feet propped up on the small table in front of him, snoring next to a pile of paperwork.

She giggled a little bit at the sight, caused him to stir.

"Hey there," he sat up, scrubbing his hands over his face.

"You're still here," she noted.

"Well, yeah. Where else would I be?"

He said it with such absolute conviction that she wasn't sure how to respond. She'd never seen that kind of loyalty shown to her before, and this was a powerful man.

He sat up and stretched. "It's almost 4:30, want to watch CJ?"

"Sure," she nodded her agreement as he flipped on the TV and clicked over to the proper channel. He absentmindedly sat next to her in bed and laid back, folding his hands behind his head and grumbling about Republicans in the Senate.

She tensed at his proximity.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," he got up quickly. "I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay," she told him. "I'm just... well I don't know what I am."

He nodded his understanding, pulling his chair closer to her bed and sitting down at her feet, facing towards the TV and away from her.

She hated that she'd reacted that way to him. She was just still so uncertain, but she wanted to break the tension.

"You know, you better be nicer about Republicans," she teased him. "Maybe I'm secretly a Republican."

"You're not," he answered confidently, giving her a smirk over his shoulder before turning back to CSPAN.

"I could be. My parents are Republicans," she told him.

"Don't I know it, Donnatella," he chuckled.

"Nobody calls me Donnatella," she said, noting the way her given named slipped so naturally off of his tongue.

"I do," he told her, still looking at the TV, but reaching out and giving her foot a soft squeeze through the light blanket.

"Yeah," she told him softly. "I like it."

She couldn't see his face but Josh grinned from ear to ear.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Well? What do you guys think so far? I know these chapters are a little short but I'm sure they'll get longer. I usually have a lot to say :)


	4. Chapter 4

Donna was awake when Josh arrived the next morning with tea and breakfast.

"What are we celebrating today," she asked, taking the first sip of her London fog.

"Still you," he told her simply, handing her a scone as he took the doughnut for himself.

"You need to eat better, Joshua," she scolded him.

He looked at her light a deer in the headlights.

"What?" She asked. "You do. Doughnuts two days in a row?"

He rolled his eyes and searched around in his backpack. "I brought you a paper," he offered her his copy of The Post.

She took it and paged through, glad to have it but saving it for later in the day.

"There's something I need to talk to you about, though," he told her.

"Yes?"

"Well, I spoke to Dr. Benson and-"

"Doctor patient confidentiality doesn't go very far around here, does it," she joked.

He knew she was kidding but he still wanted to make sure he was an open book with her. "Donna, I have your medical power of attorney. I'm the contact. I'm so sorry, I should have discussed this with you yesterday. I, uh, I'll stop doing that. Force of habit."

"It's okay," she told him, not meaning to have implied otherwise. "But um, you have my power of attorney?"

"Yeah, and you have mine. We had it taken care of a few years ago." He didn't elaborate about the events of that summer that lead to him re-examining his will.

"Oh." She seemed satisfied enough with that answer. "Anyway, what did Dr. Benson say?"

"That you're doing great," he told her with a smile. "The CT and MRI look good and you're gaining strength every day. They're going to discharge you on Friday."

"Oh!" Donna was excited. She was ready to get out of this place, even if it had only been a few days… or a few days that she could recollect, anyway. Her smile then faded. "Oh." Where would she go? She didn't know the city, didn't have anyone to help her, no job, no apartment, no money that she knew of. Maybe she'd go back to Wisconsin.

"Donna, I'd like you to move in with me," he told her, knowing what was running through her head.

"What?" She was startled by his offer. "Josh, that's very nice of you but you don't have to do that. I mean, I know that we're friends and everything but wouldn't it be a little… inappropriate."

He shrugged his shoulders. "You've taken care of me plenty of times," he told her. "I want to be there for you. I don't want you anywhere else but with me. I have plenty of room at my apartment and all of your stuff is there anyway."

"Why are my things there?"

Josh explained about the move at the time of the accident and that he'd taken care of ending her lease and storing her belongings. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable, but I'd like you think about it," he told her. "Just for a little while, until you regain your strength. Then I can help you find an apartment in a safe part of the city when you're ready. I'm not trying to smother you, Donna, I just want to keep you safe. You're very important to me."

His words were genuine and she could tell, so she agreed to think it over.

"Don't you think I should move back to Wisconsin, though," she asked.

"No," he told her immediately, a hint of fear evident in his voice. "Donna, you've worked so hard for your life here. I don't want to see you give it up. Let's just take things slow. If you still want to go to Wisconsin in a few weeks, once you're feeling like yourself again, I won't hold you back but I think you'd be doing yourself an injustice if you just gave up on everything."

She nodded her head. Why was he so supportive?

"Oh, I almost forgot," he pulled a small bag out and handed it to her. "I brought you this."

She looked at him inquisitively, reaching her had into the bag and pulling out a cell phone.

She looked at him.

"It's a cell phone. To replace your old one. I programmed it for you. Well, okay, I had the guy at the store program it." He opened the phone showing her how to get a hold of him if she needed anything. "CJ's in there too," he told her. "And Margaret. Margaret Hooper, she's Leo's assistant. Anyway, if you cant reach me or CJ, we're probably with Leo and Margaret will know what's going on."

"Who's Leo?" she asked innocently.

"He's the Chief of Staff," Josh answered patiently. "And Donna, in case anyone else asks you again, Jed Bartlet is the President. It's important that you know that. Can't be making me look bad," he teased her, nudging her a bit with his elbow.

"Jed Bartlet," She questioned.

"Yeah," Josh told her casually. "You're a big fan. And well, actually, he's a pretty big Donna Moss fan himself."

"The President knows who I am?!"

"I told you you're important," he smiled, sitting down the chair next to her bed.

"Josh," she bit her lip, "Can I call my parents?"

"Of course," he sat up. "You don't need to ask me. Oh, um, let me get you the number."

She shook her head. "Unless it's changed I know it."

He nodded and she dialed, glad she could do something for herself. Leaving an awkward message on the machine she sat the phone aside to wait for the call back.

Changing the subject Donna squirmed around a bit in the bed, grabbing a list off of the table next to her. "Josh, I have a few questions for you, um, that is if you don't mind."

"Not at all he told her," taking a sip of coffee and leaning back, ready to explain whatever she may want to know about herself. "Go ahead."

"Alright," she sat up straight. "Full name?"

"What?" He screwed his face up, confused.

"Your full name. What is it? I mean, you apparently know everything about me, why can't I get to know you?"

"Seems reasonable," he admitted. "Joshua David Lyman."

"Hometown?"

"Westport, Connecticut."

"Ooooh, Aren't you fancy," she teased.

He rolled his eyes.

"Political Affiliation?" She grinned, already learning how to push his buttons…

OooooooooO

CJ dropped in to see Donna later that afternoon and Donna was glad to have someone to talk to. She'd casually asked everyone she'd encountered about Josh, trying to figure out what exactly he was to her. Why he'd go to all this trouble for her.

"I smuggled you in some chocolate," CJ grinned conspiratorially, handing her friend a few of the gourmet truffles she'd picked up on the way.

"I could use some," Donna admitted. She told CJ about Josh's offer and Donna noticed CJ's non reaction to the news.

"Seems about right," she admitted. "As the press secretary I don't love it, but as your friend I think it's probably the best place for you to be right now. Josh isn't going to let anything happen to you." She paused for a moment. "I know you don't know him," she told Donna, "but the best advice I can give you is to give him a chance. And you're always welcome to stay with me if you decide against it."

She nodded her head. "I think I should go back to Wisconsin, but Josh freaked out when I mentioned it."

CJ nodded her head, "Yeah, I'd imagine that would be his reaction."

"CJ, do you know what happened with Mark and I? Or my parents?"

"Who's Mark," CJ took a sip of coffee and made herself comfortable in Donna's visitor chair.

"My boyfriend. Or, um, ex-boyfriend. He was in medical school and..."

"Dr. Freeride?" CJ questioned.

Donna snorted with laughter. "What?"

CJ waived her off. "Josh calls him Dr. Freeride. I didn't know his name was actually Mark. You, um, broke up with him before you joined the campaign in New Hampshire."

"Why?"

"He, uh, well I think there were a couple of reasons. First of all, he was a jerk, Donna. And I'm glad you left him. He didn't deserve you."

"CJ was he cheating on me? I had this feeling..." she looked at her hands. In her mind, the betrayal felt like it just happened.

"Yeah, Donna, he was."

She nodded her hand in understanding. "I'm so stupid."

"No, Donna, you aren't," CJ got up and moved closer to her friend. "You were young. And you were brace. You picked yourself up and drove cross country and joined our campaign and the rest is history. You've never looked back, so don't start now."

Donna was amazed by the woman everyone was telling her she was. I mean, she'd always wanted something more, but she just somehow never thought she'd actually get there.

CJ visited with her for a while and Donna was beginning to feel comfortable around her. She'd told Donna that the other girls were itching to see her as well, but they wanted to give her ample space and time. They were all sending her their best wishes, though.

"I have to get going," CJ told her. "I just popped out over lunch. But since you're getting out of here maybe we can plan something- Saturday afternoon, perhaps? Hair and nails?"

Donna agreed readily, trying to tell herself she had get out and live her life if she had any hope of retaining her memory. Not to mention the fact that all the time in here hadn't exactly done wonders for her normally well manicured fingers.

"Great, I'll make the reservations," CJ told her easily. "Toby lost a bet with me a few months ago and I have a gift certificate I've been waiting for you to use."

"Really?" Donna was still shocked that these people- these powerful, wonderful people, were her closest friends.

"Yeah," CJ laughed. "The sisterhood is back together."

OoooooooO

Josh was just returning to the White House from his afternoon meeting on the hill. Still grumbling about the opposition he'd met, he was already irritable when his phone rang.

Digging it out of his pocket he flipped it open and held it to his ear without check the caller ID.

"Josh Lyman," he barked as a way of greeting.

"Josh?" Donna asked timidly on the other end of the line.

Her voice was enough to stop him in his tracks. For months every time his phone rang he'd half expected it to be her.

"Hi!" His demeanor immediately changed. "What's up? Everything okay?"

"Yes. I'm fine. So, listen," she played absentmindedly with the fringe on her blanket. "I've been thinking about it and the offer still stands I thought maybe I could stay with you for a while?"

"Yes, of course."

"I'll start looking for a place, and I'll be out of your hair as soon as possible," she continued.

"Donna, I assure you there's no hurry," he grinned, his smile evident through the phone. "Stay as long as you want." He hesitated for a moment. "I'm really glad you decided to do this. Thanks for trusting me."

She blushed at his sincerity. "I'll see you later?"

"Of course. I'll be by after work."

"Kay."

He smiled. "Kay," and flipped his phone shut, practically skipping back to his office.

He wandered through the west wing to the press secretary's office, swinging the door open without knocking. Nothing could ruin his good mood, and he had a feeling he knew what had changed Donna's mind about coming home with him.

"Claudia Jean, I could kiss you on the mouth," he exclaimed.

"I think that's my line," Danny interjected from the couch.

A smirk crawled across CJ's face and she continued to paw through a stack of papers on her desk, never looking up. "I knew she'd come around, Josh. Can't fight fate."


	5. Chapter 5

Josh knocked lightly on the doorframe to Donna's room. "Hey there, ready to get out of here?"

Startled, she looked up at him and smiled. "So ready." She glanced at the clock on the wall. "You're early though."

"I can come back if you'd like," he kid her.

"No, no. It's just usually you get here a little later. Didn't have to stay at work tonight," she asked.

Short of Leo McGarry spontaneously combusting, there was nothing that was going to keep Josh in the White House after 5 o'clock tonight. He'd been practically worthless due to anticipation all day anyway.

She was changed into the casual clothes he'd dropped off that morning when he'd stopped by with breakfast and her personal belongings were minimal.

"Josh," she asked quietly, "I have a question…"

"Sure," he sat down on her bed, his legs swinging casually.

"How, um, how am I paying for all of this," she almost whispered.

He tried to approach it as tactfully as possible, not wanting her to worry. "Well, you had, or rather, have, good health insurance."

"But there's no way it would cover all of this. I mean, months of care and, and, probably a hospital bill…" she bit her lip nervously.

"Donna, its all taken care of," he told her matter-of-factly. It had cost him thousands and thousands of dollars, but it was all taken care of. He wasn't just sending her to any rehabilitation center because insurance covered it. He found the best one he could, and it was close to his apartment too. It may have been out of pocket but it was worth every cent to him.

She raised an eyebrow at him, studying his face.

He went into political operative mode and masked his emotions. "If there's any additional billing they'll send it to you at my place. They have all of the information they need. Let's go," he hopped up, crossing over to where she sat by the window and extending his hand to help her up. Due to facility policy, the nurse had to push her out in the wheelchair, but that gave Josh ample time to leave behind thank you notes with generous gift certificates inside for Karen and Stacy, Donna's two main nurses, and to pull the car around.

They drove back to his apartment in relative silence, Donna looking curiously out the window.

"Here we are," Josh announced, lucking in to a parking spot right in front of the door. He rounded the vehicle and opened her door, helping her up. She was still fairly unsteady on her feat, her leg muscles not getting much of a workout over the last several months.

He unlocked the door to his apartment and held it open for her as she entered hesitantly, looking around bit.

"This place is great," she offered, not knowing what to say.

He shrugged his shoulders. "It works. You have a key already. It should be on the ring that's probably in your purse," he began, walking into the living room. Your room is over here, he began, and mine is there," he pointed. "Bathroom is there, but you usually just use the en suite in the master since it has a tub," he smiled. "Umm, kitchen, obviously, living room…" he trailed off, trying to think of what else to tell her. "Donna, I want you to feel comfortable here. What's mine is yours, okay?"

"Thanks," she nodded.

"Come on," he beckoned her, carrying her small box of belongings to her room. "Some of your stuff is in here," he told her flipping on the light. "The bigger things and most of the boxes are in storage downstairs. If you think of anything you'd like I can pull it this weekend. There was a box of things that used to be on your dresser so I just put those in here, hope you don't mind."

She looked around. He'd obviously cleaned the room, as it was in much better shape than the rest of the somewhat scattered looking apartment. Perched on the nightstand were several photos, a scented candle and a book. She also noticed a small jewelry dish with a few silver pieces she didn't recognize. The purse she assumed was hers was sitting on top of a suitcase that Josh told her had a few days worth of business clothes. There was also a set of pajamas folded neatly on the corner of the bed.

"You keep those here, so you can change into something comfortable if we're working late," he explained sheepishly. I didn't want to go through your things but I figured you'd probably packed mostly suits when you were planning to stay."

She nodded her head. Her relationship with this man was just getting more and more difficult to understand. "Thank you," she told him, sitting down on the bed.

He stood in the doorway, trying to respect her privacy by staying out of her room. "So, uh, want some dinner," he tried for neutral territory.

"Oh, don't worry about it," she told him, still sitting down.

"Donna," he sighed. "What did I just tell you? Just relax, you don't have to be shy around me. So, I'm eating dinner and so are you. Pizza or Chinese."

She smiled, "Chinese."

He grabbed the phone and pressed 7, the restaurant a regular on his speed dial. He ordered their usual meal to be delivered, knowing they had his card on file. She sat in her room, looking more timid than he'd ever seen her, clearly uncomfortable around him. He didn't know how to act so he flipped on the TV. "Donna," called her from around the corner, "wanna watch some baseball?"

"Oh, no thanks, but go ahead. I'll just be in here."

He nodded his head solemnly. "Right. Well, hey, I'm going to take a quick shower before the food gets here. Are you okay answering the door if it shows up?"

She nodded that she was.

"Just sign the slip. You're on the account," he told her. "Just yell if you need anything."

And with that he left her sitting on the bed, noncommittally flipping through the book on her nightstand.

OooooooooooooO

Josh leaned against the cold tile wall of the shower, letting the scalding hot water run over him. He was overwhelmed. It had only been an hour and he didn't know what to do. He'd missed her so much and now she was finally here- but they were strangers. Or at least, he was a stranger to her. It killed him to see her that way. She was all but afraid of him. He wanted more than anything to reach out and hold her, to run his fingers through her hair and kiss her goodnight.

The running water in the shower drown out the sounds of the tears he'd been suppressing in front of her and while Josh allowed himself a brief moment of weakness, he knew he had to pull it together and put on a good face for her.

He heard the doorbell ring, thinking the food was there awfully quickly, and hopped out, toweling off and putting on pajama pants and a tshirt wandering back out to the living room. "What's the score," he called, seeing that she was standing near the television as Josh leaned into the bottom of the fridge and grabbed a beer.

"Hmm," she asked, confused.

Josh glanced over, seeing that it wasn't the Chinese food that had arrived, but in fact the florist. Even he was stunned to see the amount of foliage that had taken over his dining room.

He wandered over to stand next to her, as she bit her nail, staring, overwhelmed at the bouquets.

"Hey, nice sweatshirt," he smiled, noting that she too had changed into a pair of flannel pajama shorts and his well worn Yale sweatshirt.

"Where'd I get this," she asked him, distracted. "Pilfered it from me," he told her nonchalantly. "Along with a few others."

"You went to Yale?"

"I did," he told her, taking a sip of the beer and automatically handing it to her.

She looked at him, confused as to what he wanted.

"Oh, um, you usually yell at me for drinking too much and then steal half my beer."

She thought about it for a minute. "Yeah, that kind of sounds like me," she told him, taking a drink of the amber liquid. She could use something to help her loosen up, she thought. Just a sip. Besides, she didn't want to offend him. Things were… a bit tense though through no fault of Josh's, she admitted.

He chuckled, stepping forward to a card on a bouquet, which he had noticed she hadn't touched. "So, who's the secret admirer?" He had a feeling he knew why she hadn't opened the cards. She wouldn't recognize any of the names.

He pulled a chair out, grabbing the first card and handing it to her.

"Glad you're recovering well, hope to see you soon," she read aloud. "It's from Leo. He's your boss, right?"

Josh need his head affirmatively. "Keep going."

One by one, Donna opened all of the cards and Josh gave her a patient rundown on each sender. She'd received flowers from the staff in the west wing, the President and First Lady, Sam, his mother, several members of Congress and her former roommate. There was only one card left, on the largest arrangement. Donna plucked the envelope from the small floral pick and opened it up. The card was her favorite for two reasons- it was genuine and it was familiar.

Welcome Home.

-Josh

She glanced up at him, but he was looking down, not meeting her gaze. She tried to determine what she could possibly say to thank him when the buzzer rang announcing the arrival of their dinner. He stood, moving to answer the door but she wanted to say something.

"Josh, I- Thank you," was all she could come up with.

He stopped in front of her, tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear. "No, Donna, thank you. Thank you for pulling through. Thank you for being okay."

She felt a flutter in her chest and was fairly certain she blushed at his words, but he quickly moved to answer the door, crashing on the couch and completely changing the air in the room with take out and the Mets game.

They were comfortable as they ate, Donna exclaiming that she loved shrimp and snow peas, oh and that these crab rangoon were incredible. Of course, he knew already. It was a piece of their normal to him, and a whole new adventure to her. Josh just watched her and grinned, glad that she was enjoying something. A few minutes in to dinner his phone rang and seeing the number he explained that he had to take a call from work. Excusing himself, he stepped into his bedroom to speak to Leo.

She took the opportunity to clean up from dinner and picked up the large card from the staff at the White House, looking over it again. There were so many well wishes from so many people.

She walked back into her bedroom and pulled out a few items she'd seen earlier, returning to the coffee table and getting to work.

When he emerged after a long winded discussion with Leo, he couldn't help but chuckle when he saw her engrossed in a project.

"You're making note cards," he stated the obvious.

She looked up at him as though she may be embarrassed. "Oh, yeah, it's just something I do…"

"You make note cards for me all the time," he interjected, wanting her to knew she didn't need to explain herself. "It's kind of your thing."

"Well these will need your assistance," she told him, straightening the stack and putting the cap back on the green pen she was using.

"Kay," he told her, sitting down next to her on the floor. "How so?"

"Well, I looked over the card everyone sent me, and these are the names of all of the people who signed it. I was hoping you could tell me a little big about each one, so if I meet them I'll kind of know who I'm talking to."

"That's great! Actually, hold on," he hopped up and disappeared into his study. She could hear him rifling around in the drawer for something and he returned a second later holding an 8x10 photo of a large group in formal wear. She recognized herself, CJ and, of course, Josh.

"What's this from," she asked, inspecting it closely.

"Inauguration," he told her. "What's the first name on your card?"

She picked up an index card, read the name 'Charlie Young' and then flipped the card over to begin to take notes.

"This is Charlie," Josh pointed him out in the photo. "He's the President's body man, or his personal aide. He grew up here in DC and he's a great guy. Hard worker, funny, loves basketball, and he's raising his sister Deena. You'll like Charlie."

Donna took a few notes and then flipped to the next card. "Carol Fitzpatrick," she read.

Josh and Donna spent their evening going over the most important people in their lives, Josh telling her obvious bits about who they were, and Donna feeling as though they were somehow all mysterious characters in a book she was completing a report on.

xXxXxXxXxXx

Thoughts?

appreciating any and all feedback on this one- I know it's a little out there. Giving you some rapid fire updates, buckle up! Lol.


	6. Chapter 6

The next days saw Donna become more comfortable with Josh. She'd begun a PT regimen and was regaining strength as well as settling in to her new surroundings. She'd gone to the spa with CJ and had her hair and nails done and was feeling like herself again. She'd dug through her clothing and picked out a few items that she liked and was getting into a routine.

Josh had returned to work the Monday after she'd moved in, but she could see the worry on his face when he'd left. He'd made her a very detailed list of how to reach him and where things were. She assured him that she would be fine. She wanted to scream that she had amnesia, but she wasn't stupid, but she'd bit her tongue. She was no learning that Josh was just a worrier by nature. What had made him that way, she had no idea.

Donna had called her parents again, leaving another voicemail, and they'd finally returned her message. She'd been in PT at the time and had come out to a nonchalant message. She'd been playing phone tag with them ever since. Though she didn't want to let it show, it was breaking Donna's heart that they truly cared that little.

She'd spent her free time catching up on current events and learning the cards she'd made with information on their friends. Once she'd quickly mastered the information on those Josh had turned her loose on the Congressional face book. It was keeping her busy and, he assured her, would be valuable information for her to have. She'd even made flashcards for the key players and Josh had sorted the people into 4 levels of trust, which she'd then color coded. DC, he'd told her, was a cut throat town, and he wouldn't have anyone taking advantage of her. Her memory still hadn't returned at all, and that was beginning to concern both Josh and Donna. Though they hadn't spoken about it, they were both individually worried. Donna wondered if the projects she'd been working on would be how she filled the missing 5 year segment of her life instead of a temporary stop gap until her memory returned.

She'd just finished the orange pile, trying to remember faces and names of the people to which she could be largely indifferent. Green signified close friends, people she could always trust, yellow, he'd told her, she lean on in a jam, and red she should run away from screaming on sight. The red pile was larger than she'd anticipated it being. Josh told her he had plenty of enemies, though she couldn't imagine why. He was so sweet. In her head she'd called him a puppy dog.

Hearing an unexpected knock at the door she peered through the peep hole to see CJ and 3 other faces she recognized.

"Hi," Donna welcomed them in. "What are you doing here?"

"We're staging a coup while Josh is out. It's a takeover," CJ announced, handing her a bottle of wine.

"It's come to our attention that Josh has taken it upon himself to familiarize you with all of us. Also, I'm Sam and it's really great to see you." The man that Donna recognized from photos gave her a warm hug.

"And we would like a chance to defend ourselves," the man she knew as Toby piped up.

"Yeah, and- I'm Charlie Young, by the way- Josh has done his fair share of stupid, so we felt it was only fair that we level the playing field."

"Oh." Donna laughed, feeling slightly overwhelmed but oddly at home. All of these people were 'green' and she'd heard enough about them from Josh to know she could trust them. All except for one face in the back of the crowd that she didn't quite recognize.

"Oh, um, hi," he piped up. "We haven't actually met yet. I'm Will Bailey. I'm new."

"Oh, right, Will. Of course," Josh had mentioned Will.

"Anyway, I don't really have anything to add but I haven't heard most of their stories so I figured I'd tag along and learn a few things myself," he gave her a friendly smile.

Donna was instantly thrilled that Will was there. Finally, she thought, someone she was on a level playing field with. They'd truly never met before. He knew the same amount about her that she did about him. And, it sounded like all of tonight's story telling would be new to him too.

"Josh isn't here but come on in guys. Can I get you anything?"

"We ordered a few pizzas on the way over," Charlie announced, sitting two 6packs on Josh's dining room table. "Josh shouldn't be much longer. He's finishing up with Leo."

Before Donna had a chance to clean up her earlier project Toby and Sam were on the couch, looking at her note cards while the other 3 pulled out glasses and for bottle openers in Josh's kitchen.

"Oh, sorry about those," Donna blushed.

Toby, holding a card and inspecting it, spoke first. "Are these what I think they are? Good, okay, bad and indifferent?"

She bit her lip and nodded. "Green are people I can trust in an emergency."

"I see," Toby stated flatly. "Sam, lets get to work."

The two quickly thumbed through all of her notecards, occasionally color coding a name a step down from the trust level Josh had set. In a matter of only a few minutes her 'red' stack had doubled.

"CJ," Toby shouted. "I'm going to need a list of everyone with a press pass on my desk first thing tomorrow morning."

"And corresponding photos," Sam shouted.

"Those will all be red cards," Toby told Donna, standing and joining the rest of the group at the dining room table.

Unsure of what to say Donna just shook her head. Maybe CJ was right, these people were her family now.

OooooooooooooooO

Unlocking the front door to his apartment Josh was met with the sound of laugher.

"Hello," he called.

"In here," Donna responded. He tossed his keys on the entry table and rounded the corner to see his friends situated happily in his dining room, Donna right in the mix.

"What's going on," he smiled, walking up to stand beside Donna. She smiled genuinely at him, erasing any worries he had that she may be overwhelmed.

"Oh, we're just catching Donna up on a few things," Charlie said nonchalantly.

"Yes, sit down and join us," Donna told him, handing him her beer. "You can tell me all about your secret plan to fight inflation, Mr. Lemon Lyman." Donna burst out giggling again.

Josh whined, sitting down."Guys..."

"Ok, next Josh story," Donna egged them on.

"Well, you know, Miss Moss, there are plenty of those stories to go around. Did your friends here tell you about the time someone mailed me your panties?" Josh laughed.

Donna's eyes widened. "What?!"

"Yeah, but that was Sam's fault, really," Charlie stated.

"Technically it was Leo that started it," Sam defended himself.

"Why don't we start at the beginning," CJ grinned and winked at Donna. "And then we'll talk about the fireplace, the smoking jacket and the turkeys, huh gentleman?"

The whole table collectively groaned.

OoooooooooO

They'd said goodnight to their friends and Josh and Donna stood in the kitchen cleaning up a bit.

"Tonight was great," she remarked.

"Yeah?" He wasn't sure what she'd think. While she'd seemed to enjoy it all tonight, he made a mental note to see how she was doing in the morning. They'd all talked a lot, Josh having to essentially chase them out of the apartment before they totally overwhelmed her or brought up a heavy subject. He was afraid she'd begin to think about all the things she couldn't remember and panic a little. He'd talked to Stanley the day before, booking a double session so he could try to figure out the best course of action to help Donna recover.

"Yeah," She confirmed. "It's nice to meet everyone you talk about. Or maybe meet isn't the right word," she scrunched her face up in confusion. "But you know what I mean, right?"

"I do," he confirmed, leaning against the kitchen counter. "So, uh, speaking of catching up with people and getting used to DC, do you have plans on Sunday?"

"Do I have plans on Sunday," she repeated, almost not believing the question.

"Yeah?"

She laughed. "No, Josh. I'm pretty sure I don't have anything scheduled… ever."

"Ok, well now you do. We're walking the mall and going to the White House. It'll be a skeleton crew on Sunday, mostly people you already know. But maybe it'll help jog your memory," he hedged. "And if I don't take you by sometime soon the President is going to drive me crazy asking."

"I'm going to meet the President?!"

"Donna, you see the President all the time. He loves you like a daughter. Don't stress out about it. So, what do you say?"

She smiled, excited to have something to look forward to, and considerably less worried about the entire thing once she realized she'd be with Josh.

OoooooooooO

Crammed into a cab headed back to their respective homes, CJ first broke the silence.

"She seems like she's doing pretty well, but does anyone know how Josh is handling all of this? I mean, really handing it?"

"Does anyone know if he's talking to the um," Toby cleared his throat, "the guy on a regular basis?"

"He is," Sam piped in. "Leo holds him accountable. Once a week I think. It was more frequent towards the beginning."

"I thought we were going to have a repeat of that December," CJ admits softly. "And if God forbid she'd died, I was fairly sure he'd go with her."

They all nodded somberly, thinking of the dark times for their friends.

"Did you see the way he panicked when you mentioned Rosslyn tonight?"

"All I said," Charlie interjected, "was 'that summer,' and he about took my head off. I've never had anyone shoot me a glare like that."

"He's going to have to tell her eventually," CJ said, "but I can't blame him for not wanting to tell her yet. And I'm sure it's not easy to talk about."

They all agreed on that. One thing at a time.

"Does he still carry it," Sam asked after a few moments of quiet.

"Carry what?"

"Her ring," Sam said casually, looking out the window as the streetlights went by.

"Her WHAT," CJ asked, astounded.

Sam turned to face his friends, who were all staring at him intensely. "He bought her a ring," Sam stated mater-of-factly, as though this was common knowledge.. Ages ago. An engagement ring."

"Yes, we gathered that," Toby droned, annoyed.

"Well, he was holding on to it for the right time, I suppose. And then she was in the accident."

"And…" CJ was captivated.

"And one night we were at Hawk and Dove having a few drinks and Josh showed it to me- it's incredible, by the way. So I asked him why he had it with him in the bar. He told me he'd wasted too much time and if he ever gets another chance he's not going to hesitate. He's carried it on him since that night, always hoping he'd walk into the rehab facility and she'd be awake. He swore he'd pop the question right then and there. Wouldn't waste another second. But I guess, given the circumstances… Anyway, it's usually in the top pocket of his backpack," Sam trailed off, saddened.

"Oh my God," CJ sat back in the seat, stunned by the heartbreaking realization. Toby scratched his beard. Charlie shook his head in disbelief.

Those two just couldn't catch a break.


	7. Chapter 7

Donna looked at herself in the mirror, closely inspecting her appearance. Her hair and makeup turned out as she'd intended, but she still had to do a double take when she saw herself. 5 years changes a person- she was sometimes surprised by how she looked. It wasn't every day that you met the President and she wanted to make sure everything went well today. Josh had assured her it was just a casual hello, and that everyone was relaxed on Sundays but still- it was a big deal to Donna. She wanted to do things right for herself and for him. Straightening her sundress again she decided that she was pleased with how she looked and grabbed her cardigan to join Josh in the kitchen. 

Walking up behind him she was somewhat surprised to see him in jeans and a light sweater. She'd become used to his rumpled, ill fitting suits and his pajamas but rarely had she seen him wear anything between the two. He looked great, she decided, staring at him. He had an extremely nice body... stop it, Donna, she scolded herself. He's your boss. And your friend. And the third most powerful man in the country. Don't be stupid. 

"Hey," she pulled his attention from the copy of The Post he was reading. 

"Hey yourself," he stood up. "You look great!"

She blushed. Why was he having such an effect on her lately?

"I thought we could get something to eat on the way in," he offered. "There's a great little bistro you've always liked and it's a nice morning."

"I'd love to," she supplied and they were on the way. 

Just a few minutes later they were sitting in a corner table enjoying a light meal and some easy conversation when Donna noticed Josh make eye contact with 3 men in business suits. He nodded, acknowledging them, but when they stood to approach the table he held his stare and the men didn't walk over. Curious, Donna thought. Will had mentioned the other night that people didn't cross Josh Lyman but Donna hadn't seen it in person until now. 

They continued their morning until Donna heard a voice that she wasn't sure of. She couldn't tell if it was full of nerves or excitement. 

She couldn't see the person as the click clack of heels approached their table, she was hidden by a decorate tree. 

"Is Donna here? Where's Donna? I was told she was coming in."

Josh looked at his breakfast companion. 

"I'm right here," Donna stated. 

The red headed woman peeked her head around the corner. 

"I'm Margaret," she said seriously. "Margaret Hooper." And then she leaned down and gave Donna the most sincere hug. "I'm glad you're eating before you come in. I think the muffins in the mess have a misleading calorie count," she told Donna. It's so great to have you back. And not just because I'm at the end of my rope with this one," she indicated towards Josh. "Anyway, I have to get Leo's breakfast back to him," she leaned in and gave Donna another hug before scurrying off. 

Donna looked at Josh. "That was..."

"That was Margaret," Josh laughed. "Enough said."

OoooooooooO

Donna had to practically run to keep up with Josh. She couldn't believe how fast he walked. She kept her eyes peeled, taking in her surroundings. She couldn't believe she was walking around the White House. 

"Here we are," Josh stood in front of the door to a large office. "That's your desk," he nodded to a glass cubicle near where he stood, motioning for her to go over. She stared at it, begging it to trigger something inside of her, but nothing came to mind. 

"Who sits here now," she asked him. 

"You do, of course," he told her. 

"But who's stuff is this?" Obviously he had someone else working for him, their personal belongings were spread around. She didn't want to rifle through their things. Clearly someone spent a lot of time here. With Josh. 

"It's yours, Donna," he explained softly. She nodded her head, touching the sweater on the back of the chair and looking at the Bartlet for America coffee mug. She briefly opened the top drawer to see the kind of chapstick she'd always used and her favorite strawberry candies. It really was all of her stuff. She noticed a framed picture of a group of people smiling happily back at her. It appeared to be taken the same night as the group shot from Josh's house. Sam, CJ and Toby, with Josh's arm draped over Donna's shoulders. Everyone was smiling and looking at the camera except for Josh- he was looking at her. 

"You... you saved me a place? You kept my desk?"

"Of course I did," he told her. "Come on, let's wait in my office. Charlie will come get us when he's ready." 

She followed him through the doorway and was unable to suppress her reaction to the state of his office. "Good grief, Josh, how do you get anything done in this mess?" 

He laughed openly. "Now there's a familiar sounding lecture," he told her, moving a stack of folders in the completely disheveled office. She walked around his desk and took a seat in his chair, turning to watch the world go by out his window. 

"You have a pretty good view here, Mister Deputy Chief of Staff," she kid, twirling around in his office chair to face him, leaning forward onto his desk to tease him. 

"Sure do," he said, looking straight at her. 

"I'm gonna grab CJ," he told her, peeking into the office next door. "She'll want to say hi."

While he bellowed for CJ, Donna looked around a bit. His office was littered with paperwork, briefing folders and legal textbooks. His law and undergraduate degrees both hung on the walls. 

Huh. Law school at Yale and undergrad at Harvard. He'd left that little detail out when explaining her now favorite sweatshirt's origin. 

"I didn't know you were a lawyer," she remarked, loud enough for him to hear. 

"He's not," shouted a staffer passing the open door. 

"You're fired, Ed," Josh yelled back. 

"I'm Larry," the guy noted. 

"Doesn't matter," Josh muttered.

Donna smiled at that, still pretty impressed. What she noticed the most about the office, however, was how many little pieces of her were scattered about. She recognized the scarf her grandmother had knit for her ages ago hanging on his coat rack, the 'I love Wisconsin' pen on his desk, about a dozen post it's in her messy handwriting, but mostly the photo on his desk. A large one, framed, of the two of them dancing in formal wear. Donna couldn't get over how happy they looked. She was fairly certain she'd never seen herself that happy before. 

CJ popped over from the adjoining room and greeted her. They chat comfortably for a while until a fourth voice joined them. 

"He's ready for you," Charlie announced from the doorway. "Hey Donna. You look great."

"Thanks, Charlie," she shot him a bright smile.

Josh led Donna down the hallway to a small outer office, guiding her gently into the Oval. 

"Ah, Donna! Come in, Come in." The president stood and waived her in. 

"Good morning, sir," Josh interjected. "Ma'am," he nodded his head to Abbey, who walked over and warmly embraced them both immediately, 

"Good Morning, Mr. President," Donna followed his lead. "Good morning, Dr. Bartlet."

Before they could continue the adjoining office's door opened and Leo stepped in. "Hey, kid! You look great!" He gave Donna a hug and the President motioned for everyone to sit down. 

"It's great to see you, Donna," the President began. "We were all thrilled to find out you were awake. How are you feeling?"

"Oh, I'm fine, thank you, sir." Donna smiled shyly, suddenly feeling a little under the microscope. 

"Well we're all glad to hear it. I want you take all the time you need to feel better, but when you're ready there's always a job for you in my administration. I want to make sure you know that, Donna."

"That means a lot to me, sir. Josh has told me a lot about all that your administration has accomplished and I'm honored to have been a part of it."

"We have plenty more to do, Donna. And you're going to be a part of that too."

She was touched by his words, unsure of what to say. 

"Not to mention you're the only one around here with the good sense to appreciate my trivia."

Josh muttered something under his breath. 

"What was that, Josh?" President Bartlet questioned, giving him a look. 

"Nothing, sir."

"That's what I thought," he sat back in his chair. "So, let's hear it, Donna. I've been waiting months for a piece of your daily trivia," he smiled. 

"Oh. Oh, I didn't know..." she looked around the room. They were all looking at her, expecting her to say something. But she hadn't prepped for this... why hadn't Josh warned her? She could have come up with something political and witty. But instead, she had to use the first thing she could think of. "Sea otters hold hands when they sleep so they don't drift apart," she stated, somewhat unsure if she was making a fool of herself. 

Josh beamed. Little moments like this was when it all felt right again. 

"I think that theory works on people, too," Abby told Leo. "Look at those two." Leo nodded slightly, watching the sparkle in Josh's eye as he very carefully watched Donna's every move. 

"Very good," President Bartlet told her. "Now Josh, why is it that when I tell you something interesting it's annoying but when Donna does it it's cute?" 

"I have a quality, sir," Donna interjected, making a joke. 

"Yes," Bartlet laughed. "You certainly do."

They continued to chat for another moment before the President and Leo had to move on to another meeting. 

Josh walked Donna back through the west wing, stopping to say hello to a few of the staff there on a Sunday. She'd been able to pick out all of them and everyone had been extremely kind. Wandering through communications they stopped so Josh could have a quick word with Toby. 

After the two began to bicker about the content of the presidents statement later that week, Donna peeked her head around the corner to see what Will was up to. He told her about the speech he was writing and they eventually got side tracked, Will telling her all about California. 

"Oh, hey, J."

Donna looked up at the voice. A brunette that Donna didn't recognize walked in to Toby's office and immediately placed her hand on Josh's arm. She was going on and on about something, but Donna couldn't hear them through the glass partition. Just watching their interactions though, Donna could already tell she didn't like this woman. She didn't know what about her it was. 

Donna turned her attention away from them when she heard Toby subtly clear his throat from Will's doorway, discretely handing her a small folded piece of paper. Donna unfolded it and read the contents. 

Amy Gardner  
Democrat  
First Lady's CoS  
Professional Pain in the Ass

And the entire note was written in a bold red marker. Donna looked up at Toby who's mouth was twitching as though he was fighting a smile. Donna couldn't hold it back, letting out a hearty laugh and flashing the note to Will who joined in. 

The distraction allowed Josh to make his get away. 

"What's so funny," Josh asked. 

"Nothing," they all replied, will crumpling the note in his hand. 

Josh shrugged it off and he and Donna made their way out, heading over to the National Mall for some sightseeing. 

"So," Josh ventured. "What did you think?"

"He's great. Very nice," she told him, unsure of how to comprehend the fact that she just sat in the Oval Office with the President. Donna slipped her oversized sunglasses onto her face and they strolled along 

Josh stopped for two coffees before leading her to the steps of the Lincoln memorial. They sat in their own silence for a while. Josh had hoped that being back in the White House would trigger something for Donna. Unlock a memory and allow the last 5 years to come flooding back, but it hadn't worked like that. Nothing was familiar to her. The doctors continued to hold out hope but the truth was that Josh was beginning to worry. What if those last 5 years were just gone to her forever?

Not wanting to ruin the mood on their afternoon out, Josh began to talk just to fill the silence. She listened intently as Josh told her about his first days in DC. She relaxed a bit, asking him all kinds of questions and enjoying learning more about him. He told her about what was going on at work, so much passion in what he was explaining.

They were mid conversation when Josh began watching someone on the mall. He continued to speak to Donna but was noticeably distracted. It was only a few more minutes before the man was headed directly towards them. He was wearing sunglasses and jogging gear so Donna couldn't pick him out using the congressional information she'd been studying. 

"Stay right here," Josh muttered, sitting his coffee down and standing up, meeting the man halfway down the stairs. 

Donna could see the man gesturing to her as Josh turned steel faced, placing his hands in his pockets and speaking a very few words. The man's attention shifted back to Josh. The jogger began to move towards Donna again she could see Josh's mouth moving, uttering a single sentence. The man stopped and glared at Josh, hesitating for only a second before he jogged away. 

Josh returned to sit next to Donna, making himself comfortable again. 

"What was that about," she asked him, not used to seeing him like that. She knew he was a powerful man, but he was just so different with her. 

"Nothing."

"Obviously it was something. Who was that?"

Josh turned to look at her. "Cliff Calley. Donna, if he ever approaches you don't speak to him, okay? Make an excuse and get out of there and then call me. Alright?"

Donna was alarmed by the request. "Is he-"

"No, no," Josh didn't mean to scare her. "He wouldn't hurt you. I just-" he sighed. They couldn't do this right now. "There are a few things we need to talk about with him but now isn't the right time. Would you trust me if I just told you that we swam in some dangerous waters with him? And that I'd like to keep it at that." He knew he was supposed to be completely honest with her but he couldn't be, not in this public of a location. Plus, Abby said to keep a few things quiet. 

"Yes," she nodded her head. "I trust you."

"Good," he nudged her with his shoulder, lightening the mood again. "Now, where were we?"


	8. Chapter 8

By the end of the week Donna was getting antsy. She'd been going to PT and she'd occasionally head to the grocery store but other than that she'd stayed within the confines of Josh's apartment. It was a beautiful spring day and she was getting her bearings in DC, her confidence bolstered by their outing to the White House. 

Dressing casually, Donna decided she'd go out for lunch. Tossing her cell phone in her purse and locking the door behind her she headed out, feeling like she was finally taking control of her life again. 

After standing near a few tourists and checking the map and schedule, Donna hopped on the metro using the pass she'd found in her wallet. Maybe Josh would be free for lunch, she thought. Or CJ. Or Will. She could use some company. Rather than calling ahead she decided to pop in- after all, Josh said she could stop by using her White House ID. 

As she made her way leisurely down the sidewalk she'd realized she'd hopped off at the wrong stop. Not to worry though, DC was still somewhat of an novelty and she didn't mind taking in the sights. After several minutes she spotted the Capital building and knew she was on the right track. 

Though Donna had been working hard to rebuild her strength and endurance she was still fairly easily tired. She sat down on a bench to catch her breath, relaxing in the warm spring sunlight. She was shocked by the amount of people tossing a greeting to her as they hurried by in their business suits. 

"Hi Donna," a young man called as he practically ran by, obviously late to something. 

"Good to see you, Donna," an older woman offered as an aside as she strolled by, deep in conversation. 

"Good Morning, Ms. Moss," a distinguished looking man nodded to her. 

She couldn't place any of them. She was relieved they hadn't stopped to chat. 

"Donna?" She heard again. "Donna, is that you?"

Oh no, Donna thought. Someone wants to talk to me. She looked around, nervous, to determine where the voice was coming from when she saw a red head walking towards her. 

"I'm Andy Wyatt," she whispered, sitting down next to Donna. 

"Of course. Andy. How are you?"

Andrea Wyatt- Green, Donna recited in her head. Democrat- Maryland 4th. Toby's ex wife, mom to Huck and Molly. 

Those flash cards were worth their weight in gold, she'd decided. 

"I'm fine, how are you?"

"Fine. Great, really." That may have been a stretch at this particular moment but she didn't care to elaborate any further. What was she going to say? Oh, great other than the pounding headache, the searing pain on my left side and my inability to remember anything about who I am? Didn't sound like the start of a pleasant conversation. 

"Donna, what are you doing out here," Andy didn't mince words. 

"Just taking a walk," she admitted. "Thought I'd see if anyone at the White House was free for lunch."

"Well that's great, but Josh would have a fit if he knew you were out here alone."

As if on cue, a slimy looking man in a cheap suit sauntered over to her. "Donna, good to see you. Hey listen, I need 10 minutes with Josh on 846. Can you give me a commitment that we can go ahead and get a-"

Andy cut him off. "Get the hell out of here, Craig. You know Josh would have your ass if he knew what you were trying to pull. I know you got the memo- well all did. Tell your boss to call the DCoS office himself."

The man scoffed and shot Donna dirty look, turning to walk away. 

"Who was that? And what memo?"

"Come on," Andy stood up. "Josh is in a meeting with a couple of the guys on oversight, you can wait for him in my office."

Donna stood and followed Andy to her office, walking quickly to keep up as she strode with purpose through the hallways, brushing off anyone who tried to get in a word with her or Donna- and there were plenty of them. 

Passing a set of closed doors Donna heard a voice she could easily pick out. It was Josh but it... wasn't. He was yelling about something. She could hear him verbally beating someone over the head. She stopped dead in her tracks, looking at the door. It was hard to determine exactly what they were talking about but there was no mistaking that Josh was out for blood. Her eyes went wide as she listened to him. She has to be mistaken, right? That wasn't her Josh. Not the one who was so gentle to her- so kind. The man who sat by her beside for 136 days wasn't capable of that level of anger, was he?

She felt Andy's hand moving her away from the verbal berating someone was receiving towards a different corridor but her thoughts were still planted outside those doors. 

"Who was that guy outside," Donna asked again once she'd taken a seat in Andy's visitors chair. 

"His name is Craig and he's an ass. Works for a freshman republican representative and thinks he's more important than he is. Hell do anything to get ahead. Ignore him, we all do." Andy gave her a sympathetic smile and handed her a bottle of water. 

She rounded her desk and picked up her phone, calling to leave a message for Josh to stop by before he left. 

"So that was Josh, then?"

Andy looked up at her. 

"The shouting. That was Josh?"

"Oh. Yes." She continued what she was doing, as if it were the most natural thing in the word that Josh was currently several yards down the hall berating elected officials. 

Donna giggled a little bit. "But it's Josh... he's like a... a... puppy." 

That caused Andy to laugh and sit back in her chair. "Did you know they call him Bartlet's Bulldog?"

"What? Why?" Donna wanted to hear all about this. Josh was rather shy when it came to himself. He'd tell her anything she asked and he was always honest with her but he wasn't one to brag or even be forthcoming. 

"It's his job, Donna. And he's very good at it. The President needs him to get things done around here and Josh is completely devoted to the cause. He does a lot of good, Donna, even if it is in his own particularly.... forceful... style. But he definitely makes less progress when you're not around," she added. 

"And what do I do?"

"You keep him... grounded." She thought about her words carefully. "You two are an excellent team."

"Oh," she was somewhat surprised. "But I thought I was just his secretary?"

"You're a political operative in your own right, Donna, and a damn good one. And you've never been just a secretary to Josh Lyman, that's for sure. There's nothing that matters more than you to Josh and everyone knows it. That's why he sent the memo- we've all been warned. But there are some people who would still try to use you to get to him. They know it'll work and they're right. That's why he's so protective. Don't take offense," she told him. "Josh is a good guy- he only had your best intentions in mind."

"And what is this memo? It tells people to stay away from me?"

"Pretty much," Andy nodded. "Casual greetings in passing are fine, don't stop you for conversation or ask for commitments."

Donna nodded softly. She'd be offended but given her interaction on the park bench she realized it was probably good for her. Still, she didn't want to be any more of a liability to him. Ready to put that topic to bed, Donna changed directions. 

"So, do you have any recent photos of Huck and Molly?"

Andy and Donna visited for a few minutes but Donna wasn't feeling much better. 

"You know, I think I'm going to head out," Donna announced. 

Andy could tell Donna was uncomfortable. 

"Are you sure? You don't want to wait for Josh?"

"No," Donna gathered her things. "Do you think there's any way we could keep this between us?"

Andy nodded, feeling sorry for Donna. "Not a problem, I need to push Josh around on a few things anyway. You sure you're okay getting home?"

"Yes," Donna but her lip. "I'm just going to take a cab. Thanks for everything, Andy."

Donna made quick work of getting out of the building and into a cab, throwing on her sunglasses and walking like a woman on a mission as an added layer of protection. She headed straight back to Georgetown. 

Paying the driver, she got out a few blocks before they were back at the house. She'd treat herself to some ice cream, Donna thought. She'd earned it after her crap morning. 

XXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXXX

 

I'm not sure if anyone's reading this but thanks if you are! We're going to get to more J/D centric plot soon, I promise. They just had a lot to get through first ;)


	9. Chapter 9

Josh had endured one hell of a day. It was nothing major, he supposed, but nothing went right either. His only solace was taken in the fact that Donna would be there when he got home.

 

Opening the door to his apartment he didn’t see here anywhere, the lights in the living room off except for a lone lamp.

 

“Donna,” he called softly, not wanting to wake her if she was sleeping. She was still frequently tired and he knew she’d had PT today. He walked softly over towards her room, the door barely cracked. Was she… crying? “Donna,” he said again, a little more gently. She didn’t respond but he was now sure that she was softly crying.

 

“Donna, what’s wrong,” he let himself into her bedroom, now becoming worried. He sat on the end of her bed, trying to give her a little space, loosening his tie. “Are you hurt,” he asked.

 

She sniffed a bit, wiping the tears from her face.

 

“Talk to me,” he tried again, his patience astounding even himself. He hated it when Donna cried. Absolutely hated it.

 

 

“Go… away…” she cried.

 

“You’ve got to tell me what’s wrong,” he softly placed his hand on her knee.

 

She immediately curled into a ball, recoiling from his touch. “C-Can’t… you… see,” she cried. “This is…h-hard enough… Just l-leave…me… alone,” she sobbed.

 

“No,” he snapped, somewhat forcefully.

 

That got her attention. “Wh-what,” she sniffed.

 

“I will absolutely not ‘leave you alone,” he told her. “We’re in this together, Donna. We don’t abandon each other. So, why don’t you tell me what happened.”

 

She sniffed a few more times, and Josh sat there patiently. Finally, Donna realized he wasn’t going to leave.

 

“Nothing happened,” she told him.

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing. Happened,” she repeated. “That’s the problem. I still don’t have any of my memories. I’ve had people constantly telling me all these things about me, and my life and my memories. But they’re mine. Mine! And I don’t have them. I can’t even do the simplest things because I don’t know the most basic information about myself. Someone asked me where I got my watch and I didn’t even know. I didn’t know!”

 

Josh continued to listen. He’d been worried that their evening of storytelling would wear on her.

 

“I went to an ice cream place today,” she told him. “I got my purse and I walked down there. The one two blocks south of here. And I went in and I ordered some frozen yogurt in mint. Because I like mint,” she sobbed. “And the man told me no. He recognized me and he told me that I always get the lavender vanilla flavor. He told ME that. I don’t even know what I like,” she sobbed. Josh scrubbed his hands over his face, thinking. He didn’t know what to say to her, she obviously didn’t want to be touched or comforted.

 

“Donna, you don’t have to try so hard to fit yourself into a cookie cutter mold of the girl you think you were. You were always just true to yourself. That’s what everyone loves about you. If you want mint, get the mint. If you want a new watch, we’ll go to the store and you can buy one just so you know where you got it, and if you want to be an acrobat then be an acrobat. Just do what makes you happy, Donna. The rest is crap.” He made a face when he said it, realizing he was subconsciously channeling Leo. “But you don’t have to figure it all out alone, either. I’m here and CJ’s here. Sam, Charlie, Toby… We all care about you, Donna. So if something’s bothering you, just tell me. You know you can call me any time.”

 

“I know,” she sniffled.

 

“Hey, I’ve got an idea,” he hopped up from where he was seated. “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

 

He raced to the 24 hour grocery store in his neighborhood as quickly as he could, loading himself down with several bags and returning back to his apartment.

 

“Donna,” he bellowed, dropping the contents of the bags onto the kitchen counter with a thud.

 

She sauntered out from the bedroom, dressed in her now routine flannel shorts and Yale sweatshirt, her hair pulled back in a messy pony tail and her eyes puffy from crying.

 

“What in the…”

 

“Sit down,” he interjected, grabbing two spoons from the drawer and handing her one.

 

She popped herself onto his counter, dangling her legs over the side as Josh unloaded every flavor of ice cream she’d ever seen from the multiple grocery bags. He’d purchased literally every flavor the store had.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“We’re going to figure out what kind of ice cream Donna Moss likes,” he told her, ripping the lids off of the pints. “Dig in.”

 

She couldn’t believe it. “You seriously just did this- for me?” She scrunched her nose up.

 

“Yeah. Better eat before they melt,” he told her, trying to prevent her from becoming even more emotional.

 

They stood in his kitchen, Josh eventually losing his tie completely, talking about his day and trying a few bites of each flavor. His stress level decreased in her proximity, and hers did the same with him.

 

“Rum Raisin,” she finally announced with a smile, grabbing the obscurely flavored pint of Haagen Dazs. “It used to be mint, when I was little I guess. But now my favorite flavor is Rum Raisin.”

 

Josh just smiled, taking another bite of cherries jubilee. ‘Yeah,’ he thought to himself, ‘I know it is.’

 

The stood in the kitchen for a few more moments, Josh finally realizing that he, too, had been blind to this portion of the equation. Not only was Donna missing memories and jokes and friendships, she was missing her own evolution. She didn’t look in the mirror and see the strong woman she’d turned into and all of the experiences that got her there.

 

“Donna,” Josh asked, “What was on your bucket list when you were in Wisconsin. What were you just itching to check off?”

 

Donna thought for only a second. “I’ve never seen the ocean. And I’ve always wanted to.”

 

“What?” Donna had seen the ocean countless times. Campaigning, traveling with the President, weekend trips to the beach, even the time he’d drug her down to Florida to visit his Mom.

 

Donna shrugged.

 

He looked over at her. That Donna, the adorable Donna sitting on his kitchen counter in his old sweatshirt from law school, had never seen the ocean.

 

Listening to his own advice and throwing caution to the wind for once, he made a split second decision. He grabbed his keys in a flash, and scooped her up, tossing her over her shoulder.

 

“Josh, what the hell?”

 

“We’re on a mission, Donna.”

 

“Its 10:30 at night,” she practically screeched, “what are you DOING?”

 

“Grab your purse,” he instructed her, walking briskly by the table in his entryway as she snatched it up, still thrown over his shoulder, and in her pajamas no less.

 

He bounded down the stairs and deposited her in the front seat of his car.

 

She was so confused- so caught off guard. “Josh, where are we going?”

 

He grinned at her, flashing his full dimples. “To the beach, Donnatella!”

 

OooooooO

 

It was near midnight by the time they’d arrived at the waterfront, Josh’s car pulling into a spot in the deserted state park. Josh had kicked up his shoes and rolled up his pant legs before walking with Donna down through the soft sand and to the edge of the water. It was quiet, the sky clear and the stars shining under a full moon. Josh stopped and let Donna move ahead, content in watching her. The soft breeze combined with the tranquil sounds of the crashing waves put Josh quickly at ease. He sat down in the sand, resting his clasp hands on his knees, as she put her toes in the ocean.

 

Donna stood there, the Atlantic splashing over her ankles, and looked out at the dark water. Come on, she urged herself. Remember. Haven’t you felt this before? Haven’t you been here before? Remember something, Donna. She urged herself on and on, eventually closing her eyes to concentrate. But nothing happened. None of her memories surfaced.

 

After a few moments she sat down next to Josh on the sand. She closed her eyes and let the gentle breeze blow her hair back as she took in her surroundings.

 

"Donna? What happened on the hill today?" He stared out to the dark horizon. 

 

"How did you know I was on the Hill?"

 

He shrugged his shoulders. "Couple people mentioned running into you."

 

"Jeeze, can't go anywhere in DC," she muttered. 

 

"Donna, look at me."

 

She did, meeting his soft expression and exhaling. "Nothing happened on the Hill. I just... bumped into a few people."

 

"...and..." he tried to draw it out of her. 

 

"And I hate that I'm like this. I don't want to be 'poor Donna' anymore. I don't want to be a liability to you."

 

"You're not."

 

"I want to go back to Wisconsin," she told him nervously, not making eye contact. 

 

He let out a long breath. "Donna, I'm not going to stop you. I've watched you work so hard to move away from that but if that's what you really want then I won't hold you back. Can I tell you something first, though?"

 

"Sure."

 

"Every April I send you flowers. Every April you get mad at me for it...."

 

Josh told her about the first campaign. About how she left and then came back. He told her how he elated he was when she walked into his office that day. How he told her that he wouldn't let her go that easily again. And he told her that if she wanted to go try to figure this all out he'd support her, but he wasn't letting her go alone. He’d book the tickets over the upcoming long weekend, he told her. He’d be right by her side the whole time.

 

"We don't abandon each other, Donna. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I’ll prove it to you every day." 

 

"What if it never comes back though, Josh? What if those years are just- gone."

 

"Then we start at the beginning again. But we do it together."

 

He had so many things he wished he'd done differently over the last 5 years. Maybe, he thought, this was a new beginning for them too. He could treat her the way he’d always wanted to. To show her how much he cared, and give her everything she deserved to have. Maybe, he thought, he should just take the leap.

 

Donna pulled her knees to her chest and rested her head on them. "Okay. Thanks, Josh. Thanks for being patient with me. I’m just... so confused."

 

He couldn’t do that to her, though. He had to let her find her own way first.

 

They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, Josh content watching Donna think. He knew she was working through some pretty major issues in her head.

 

Eventually they headed back to DC, Donna curling up in the car as Josh drove them back to the city.

 

There were plenty of things, Donna thought, that she didn’t know. Plenty of things that she wasn’t sure of. But at that moment Donna Moss knew one thing of which she could be certain- she was falling in love with her boss. 

 

 

xXxXxXxXxXx

 

Thanks so much for the reads/ follows everyone! Your reviews are amazing to receive!!! Living for those while writing this!!!


	10. Chapter 10

After their adventure to the beach Donna had decided it was time to get up off the mat. She'd fully unpacked her things and she began to take over some parts of Josh's life. It was something she could do to help and some parts of it just felt natural. 

He'd told her over and over again that she didn't need to, but he eventually understood her need to be responsible for something. To find a few tasks that were accomplishable and to own them. She went to the grocery store, she did the laundry, she cleaned the apartment, she picked up the dry cleaning. 

From the outside it probably looked like she was some kind of stay at home non-wife, but it was helping Donna to get back into a routine and become comfortable again, so neither of them questioned it. 

She didn't have the go ahead to resume work, nor did either of the think she was ready yet, but Josh started bringing her small projects, and that made her even more motivated to find her footing. 

He'd missed their discussions. He could talk through a problem with Donna and sometimes come out the other side with an entirely new perspective or theory, always for the better. She'd been meticulously reading The Post, familiarizing herself with the political climate and the key players. 

The past few nights Josh had been late. He'd slept on the couch in Toby's office one evening and the other he'd come home after 3am. Donna knew he was running near empty and wasn't taking good care of himself. She could see it. 

Margaret had called to say he was in the Oval with Leo and they'd probably be there until unholy hours- Josh always wanted to let her know. 

Having already made dinner she packaged it up and took a cab to the White House, leaving it for him in case he had a break with a note telling him to eat his vegetables and spread some more good into the world. 

She'd then gone back to his place and made note cards on a brief he'd left for her. She'd triple checked her work, wanting to make sure she did things exactly right for him. 

Eventually she'd turned in, realizing there was a good chance he wouldn't be back that night. Donna was pulled from her slumber in the middle of the night. She couldn't figure out what it was. In her grogginess she got out of bed and walked into the hallway, shuffling around as she began to wake up. 

"Josh?" She walked to his room. The door was slightly cracked as it was most nights. He didn't respond. "Josh?" She tried again. 

He flailed around in his sleep and she could hear the panic in his voice. He began to around more and more. Not knowing what else to do she slipped into his bedroom, cupping his cheek with her hand. "Wake up," she told him. She swore she heard him mumble her name. 

He contained to thrash about. "Josh!" She shook his shoulders as he began to shout. She noticed he was sweating profusely and began to worry. "Josh, wake up! I'm right here." 

Eventually his eyes shot open wide. He lay still, as though there was a crushing weight on his chest, gasping for air. He couldn't move. 

"Deep breaths, Josh. Everything's okay, it was just a bad dream," she assured him, having no idea what was happening. He stared at her, wide eyed and holding her gaze as his breathing began to regulate. 

Eventually he swung his legs over the side of the bed and leaned forward, staring at the floor. 

"Are you okay," she asked softly. He didn't answer, still clearly a little jarred from his dream. 

"Josh?" She placed her hand on his shoulder, trying to pull him from his thoughts. She began to lightly rub his back when he didn't respond. 

"Go back to bed, Donna," he eventually croaked out. 

"We don't abandon each other, Josh," she told him, repeating the phrase he so often spoke to her. She didn't move, sitting next to him in solidarity. Eventually her fingers found the curls at the base of his neck and lingered there naturally. He sat up again and rubbed his eyes. 

"You want to talk about it," she asked a few minutes later. 

"No," he cleared his throat, his voice still unsteady. Deep inside, he probably knew that this was a conversation that was barreling towards them like a speeding train but at that moment he just couldn't have it. He physically couldn't. He mentally couldn't.

She leaned her head on his shoulder, holding onto his bicep lightly.

"Go take a shower, Joshua," she told him after a few minutes, when she was sure his breathing was steady and he was less shaky. "You'll feel better," she promised him. 

He obeyed, pulling on a fresh pair of pajamas afterwards, surprised to see she'd changed his sweat soaked sheets when he'd exited the bathroom. There was a glass of water waiting for him on the night stand and two pills sitting next to it. 

She was sitting against the headboard, perched on top of the covers next to the spot she'd turned down for him. She wordlessly patted the bed, indicating to him he should lay down again. There wasn't much fight left in him tonight so he immediately did as requested, laying flat and silently. She covered him with his blanket and brushed his damp curls out of his face. 

Josh's eyes closed at her gentle touch. Memory or not, he decided, somethings were just innately Donna. Maybe this, whatever they were and are, is just written into them. 

Donna had been unsure of their comfort level with one another regarding physical closeness up to this point, but tonight she didn't care what the rule had been in their past. She didn't ask him what she'd normally do. He was relaxing at her caress. And that was all the evidence she needed that this was the closest to who they truly were that they'd been since she woke up. She didn't overthink it, she didn't need to call a friend for confirmation. She knew it was right. It felt right. 

Donna didn't know what had happened but she knew that wasn't just a normal, run of the mill, bad dream. 

She could feel the tension he was carrying in his body and she hated it for him. She took his hand in hers and lay down on top of the comforter, rolling onto her side. Her thumb gently stroked the inside of his wrist. 

"Get some sleep, Josh," she told him. "I won't let you drift away either."


	11. Chapter 11

Josh didn't get much rest. He never did after a nightmare. He managed to doze off for a few moments at some point, thanks in no small part to Donna's sleeping presence beside him. 

When he glanced over to the clock on his bedside table he decided to head into work. Senior staff would be early today and he needed to get through a few things. He reluctantly let go of Donna's hand, careful not to wake her. He quietly dressed before walking back to the bed, sitting next to her. She was sleeping so peacefully. 

She'd stood by him through thick and thin. She'd been the only one who could reach him so many times. He didn't mean to slip out without a word but he just didn't know what to tell her. Didn't know what she'd think this time around.

As he'd done so many times before, Josh pulled a blanket over her and loosely tucked it in around her, brushing a stray strand of hair out of her face. Then, in what had become habit in the rehab center he gently leaned down and kissed her temple. "I love you," he whispered softly, wondering how much longer he'd have to wait before he could say it to when she could hear him. 

He got into his car and drove to the White House. Aside from his normal obligations as DCoS he also had about a million smaller obstacles to get through today. If he'd had paid better attention to the date he would have called Stanley yesterday, but he didn't. 

He knew what had happened last night. And he knew why it happened last night. He'd call Stanley's office and schedule a phone session this afternoon. 

OooooooooO

Donna woke up peacefully, the last night's events coming back to her slowly. What had happened?

She opened her eyes to find that Josh was gone and she was alone in his bed. Wandering around the apartment she saw that he'd gone in to work early. Probably, she figured, to avoid any awkward interactions with her this morning. It was easy to see that Josh was the master of avoidance. 

She'd bring it up with him later, though. She changed clothes and headed to PT, running a bit behind. After a long session she headed back to Josh's, stopping to grab a few things for dinner. 

Donna enjoyed her quiet afternoons, giving her time to think and relax. She'd taken a hot bath after PT, followed immediately by a short nap. She'd worked a bit, and decided to make a nice dinner for Josh. 

Donna clicked the power on the TV and began to walk into the kitchen when the voice of the anchor on the evening news stopped her cold. 

'Today marks the anniversary of the assassination attempt on President Bartlet in Rosslyn, Virginia.'

What? An assassination attempt? That's awful- horrible. Donna began listening closer, turning the volume up as the anchor continued to talk about the President's injury. 

"But I'm sure we all remember the other part of this story," the correspondent contained, "the life threatening gunshot wound to Deputy Chief of Staff Josh Lyman."

A photo of Josh flashed onto the screen but Donna didn't hear anything else. "No. No, no, no." She was practically whispering but in her mind she was screaming for him. She felt her chest tighten as heart began to race. He'd been shot. Shot! The rational portion of her mind that told her it was years ago and he was clearly okay couldn't overpower the raw emotion coursing through her veins. 

She fumbled to pick up the phone, swearing she was becoming sick to her stomach. She dialed his cell phone, practically coming apart in the process. Someone had hurt him, who would want to hurt him?

"Josh Lyman," he answered. 

"Josh." It came out as a sob. 

"Donna?" He stopped short on the sidewalk. "Donna, what's wrong."

"You're... you're... okay?" She asked, though it was difficult to make our what she was saying. 

"I'm fine, Donna. Why..." And then it hit him. She knew. She'd seen it on tv or in the paper or someone had called to check on him. Why didn't he see that coming?

Leo had sent him home early, given the date, so he was already walking up the sidewalk when she called. Josh took off at a run towards his apartment. 

Donna continued to cry on the other end of the line. 

He raced up the steps to his door, unlocking it as quickly as he could. Once inside he wasn't sure how to proceed. He stared at her, wide eyed and somewhat unprepared for the conversation that he knew was coming. 

She stood, teary and puffy from crying, and ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck and holding on. 

“See, I’m fine,” he told her softly. Though the truth was that he was far from fine.

She held him a little tighter and he didn’t mind. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, thankful for her close proximity.

“Come on,” he eventually led her to the couch, hating to break their physical contact.

“You- you were shot?” Donna was still shocked, not believing it could be true. 

Josh nodded his head. 

“Are you okay?” She searched his body closely, as though she would see some kind of indication of a wound. 

He shifted uncomfortably under her close gaze. “I’m fine,” he told her. “For the most part,” he amended. 

He explained what happened the best that he could. She was patient, listening closely and encouraging him as he struggled. At some point in the conversation he removed his jacket, toed his shoes off and lost his tie. She leaned against him, fitting perfectly into the crook of his arm. At some point they’d ended up laying next to each other on the couch, wrapped up together. She rest her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, needing the reassurance that everything he was saying was in the past. 

He told her about his injuries, about his hospital stay and his long physical recovery. He told her what he’d heard about her standing watch during his surgery, about the way he remembered her sitting by his side in the hospital, about the summer when she’d moved in with him.

He’d answered her honestly when she’d asked about his pain. About the gritty parts of his recovery and his residual cardiac issues. He told her about the rules she’d enforced, about the giant pajamas that CJ had given him and about the black and white movies they’d watched late at night.

She was quiet for a few minutes, processing what he’d said. She knew it probably wasn’t easy for him to go through everything he’d just told her. 

 

“Why wasn’t I with you? I would have- I could have-“ She didn’t know where she was going with that. “You shouldn’t have been alone,” she raised her voice.

“Donna, I’m so grateful you weren’t there. I’m thankful it was me instead of you. If you would have been standing beside me God only knows…” he trailed off and cleared his throat. “I don’t want to think about it.”

“Is that what happened last night? Is that what you were dreaming about? Being shot?”

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. This was, he thought, the hardest part. “Kind of,” he answered honestly. 

Her hand snaked over to hold his. “What was the dream about, Josh? And how long have you been having them?”

He told her about the dreams, about reliving it, and vaguely about how they’d morphed into something else. He didn’t tell her how many nights he woke gasping for air seeing the same thing happen to her, seeing that truck hit her car again, seeing her pale, still body lying there helplessly. 

 

He told her about that Christmas. About the window, the music and Stanley’s diagnosis. He didn’t leave anything out. It wasn’t easy but he made it through.

“You saved me, Donna. I was drowning and nobody saw it but you. You’ve always seen it, even when I don’t.” He pulled her closer. “You used to always say that you were tuned to me.”

“And now,” she asked.

“You still are. Believe me.” He pulled her even closer. After a few comfortable moments he spoke again. “Donna, I have a phone appointment scheduled with Stanley in a few minutes. I’d like you talk to him. He can answer things better than I can. You can ask him anything you’d like to, anything you’re not comfortable talking to me about.”

“Josh, I’m not uncomfortable talking to you. I’m not going to go around you. I trust you. This doesn’t change anything.”

“Yeah? Okay,” Josh nodded. He picked up his cell and dialed the all too familiar number for his scheduled appointment, sitting up on the couch, remaining next to her. 

“You’ve talked to Stanley plenty of times before,” Josh told her as he sat on hold for a brief moment. “He’s great.”

She nodded her understanding. Josh explained to Stanley what he and Donna had talked about, and that he wanted to give her a few minutes to ask him some questions privately, even if Donna said it wasn’t necessary. “This is between you and Stanley,” he told her, handing her the phone and walking into his office to give her some privacy.

Josh flipped mindlessly through a folder, waiting for Donna to finish up.

She asked a few questions, mostly what she should look for, and what she should do if he was struggling. Stanley was understanding about her situation and was honest with her, but told her that more than anything she should just trust her instincts. She’d know if something was off with him. He’d known their dynamic, and knew that she was very aware of how Josh operated. More than that, however, his weekly sessions with Josh since her accident had been quite telling.

Finishing her conversation with Stanley, she put him on hold briefly to walk the phone to Josh. 

“He’s ready for you,” she knocked softly and entered his office, rounding the corner of his desk.

Josh looked so different than she’d ever seen him before. Vulnerable and afraid. She knew he’d been honest with her this afternoon- more honest than he’d had to be. And Donna knew something too- that there was no one in the world who meant more to her than Josh. 

“Everything okay?” he asked, nervous of what she would think of all of this.

She sat on his lap and took his chin in her hand, thinking about what Stanley had just told her. “We get better, Joshua,” she told him. “And we both will... together.”

And then Donna did something that surprised them both. She leaned in and gently kissed his lips. It was soft and chaste in nature, comforting even. Josh even wondered if it could even be construed as friendly. 

But it was Donna. 

His eyebrows shot to his hairline as he sat there frozen.

“Talk to Stanley,” she pressed the phone into his hand. “Dinner will be ready when you’re done.”

Donna let herself out of the office and closed the door so he would have some privacy. 

Josh remained glued to his chair, stunned. What in the hell had just happened?

 

OoooooooooooO

The rest of the evening went by normally, much to Josh’s surprise. He’d expected forced, awkward conversation about… well, they’d touched on a lot of issues today so it was anyone’s guess.

“Let’s go to bed,” she eventually told him, flipping off the movie they were watching and standing to wait for him at the end of the couch.

He almost fell over when she said it. “Let’s?” he almost choked.

She nodded her head as if it were the most natural thing in the world. “Josh, there’s plenty I’m still unsure of when it comes to…” she waived her hands around, “whatever this is. But we’re a team and you need sleep. And I know you’re not wild about the prospect of falling asleep tonight after everything we’ve had to drag up today.”

He had no argument there.

“So I’m going to lay with you. We’re in this together. Just because I don’t remember everything doesn’t change the fact that we’re a team, right?” She extended her hand to him, pulling him off the sofa.

“Right,” he agreed, still somewhat confuse by the strange events of his day. He changed out of his suit and into a pair of boxers, sliding under the covers while Donna brushed her teeth. 

He’d told himself to lose the undershirt. She’d been the only one who’d ever seen his scars, but laying there waiting for her his nerves fired up. What in the hell was this? Was their relationship about to take a major turn? Were they about to go speeding across the line they’d never dared cross? 

It was what he’d wanted. He’d told himself he wouldn’t hesitate if he ever had another chance- but it still felt wrong. He didn’t want to confuse her more. 

If things went south she’d have no one. And as much as he wanted every single part of her, he’d never but her in a position where she’d feel like she didn’t have another option. 

He hopped up and pulled on an undershirt, sliding back into bed before Donna came in.

“You can take your undershirt off, Josh,” she told him. “It’s hot outside tonight,” she slid open the bedroom window. 

Josh froze but obeyed while her back was turned, tugging the blanket up around him. 

Unlike the night before Donna slid under the covers and close to Josh, pulling the large blanket from on top of them. She looked at his chest, gently running her fingers over his scars, gently kissing the bullet’s entry wound. “Goodnight,” she told him with a yawn, laying her head to rest on his shoulder. “Sweet dreams.”

And Josh knew that they would be.


	12. Chapter 12

"Hi, we're checking in. Two rooms for Lyman. Adjoining, please."

The desk agent at the Wisconsin hotel clicked away at his computer screen while Josh shifted around nervously. Donna placed a steady hand on his to quiet the incessant tap, tap, tap of his credit card on the counter. 

"It looks like we have two rooms for you, Mr. Lyman, but they're not attached."

"One room is fine," Donna interjected before Josh had the time to get a word in. 

He glanced over at her, but said nothing. Picking up their room keys they rode the elevator to the fourth floor in silence. They'd spent the last weeks in close quarters, two nights in the same bed and the last 5 years side by side. But still- Josh was nervous. What was she getting at with this?

"So, what's the plan," he asked as he flung himself onto the bed, clicking on the TV. 

"Dinner is at 6, I think everyone will be there," she told him, busying herself with unpacking their suitcases. "

He could tell she was getting a little nervous. Things had been strained with her family to say the very least. They hadn't been quiet about their disapproval when Donna left Freeride, a concept that Josh could never quite wrap his head around, and then things had deteriorated even more with Donna's long work hours. They thought she should get married and start a family, not throw herself into her role at the White House. They hadn't exactly been falling all over themselves to see Donna since her accident. 

"I'm going to take a quick shower." He stood, walking over to her and taking her hand. "Don't be nervous. You've got no reason to be. I'll be right there with you the whole time." 

She smiled shyly, glad he was there with her. 

She changed too, becoming increasingly nervous. She slipped on a conservative sundress and sandals, walking out to the balcony to enjoy the evening air. 

Once Josh was ready he joined her. "You look beautiful," he told her honestly. 

"You don't think the dress is too short? You can see my leg," she bit her lip, indicating a few of the scars popping out below the flowing fabric. 

"I've always thought you had amazing legs. Still do," he told her. "They're perfect to me."

How he could be so calm and still so flirtatious always threw her off. 

"No dairy jokes," she warned him, deciding to ignore the fact that she wanted to see where that conversation was headed. "And don't forget they're Republicans."

"Ugh," he groaned. 

She pinched him in the ribs. 

"Alright, Alright," he yelped. "Best behavior."

OoooooooO

Dinner with Donna's family had been difficult to say the least. The tension was almost palpable and Josh couldn't help but notice the lack of enthusiasm over Donna's recovery. It wasn't that they wished her ill, they were just indifferent. 

They'd talked to her slowly all night, as if she were stupid. It took all of Josh's effort to bite his tongue against the condescending tones. 

"Are you going to get that gnarly scar fixed soon," her sister had asked, staring at Donna's leg. 

Donna had blushed, not knowing what to say. The truth was that there were plenty more that matched the one hidden by her dress. She felt Josh's entire body tense beside her as she had every time someone had made a remake along those lines. She placed her hand on her knee, trying to diffuse his rage. 

"It hasn't been high on the priority list right now, Courtney," she'd responded, hoping that would be the end of it. 

"Well if you're going to get a date..." Courtney remarked, and Donna knew what she was implying. 

"There's nothing wrong with Donna's scars," Josh stated matter of factly, almost begging someone to challenge him. He'd been biting back his tongue all night and Donna knew he was itching for a fight. 

It was probably time to make their exit before things got heated, she thought. 

"So, what's the plan for tomorrow," Donna asked her mother as Josh stood by the doorway, his hand protectively resting on the small of her back. 

"Oh, well, I'm not quite sure. You see, Donna, you didn't give us much notice with your visit and we'd already made plans. It is a Saturday, you know. So maybe we'll see you at church on Sunday?"

Josh couldn't believe his ears. Their daughter, who had been hanging on for her life only weeks prior, had flown out to see them and they'd made other plans?! 

"And while you're here you can take your boxes with you. There's two of them."

"What? Two? That's it?"

"Yes. When we sold the house and your father and I moved into this condo we packed up your room. There's two boxes of your belongings that we didn't get rid of in the sale. They're by the door so you can take them," she told Donna, who looked like she'd just been slapped. 

"Let's go," Josh whispered, grabbing the boxes and leading Donna out to their rental car, clutching her hand on the way back to the hotel. 

He knew better than to think an evening of comments like she'd endured would roll off of her back. Donna had become a world class political operative but she'd always stayed the same Donna in that regard. And he loved that about her. 

"Put on your swimsuit, Donna," he told her with all the enthusiasm he could muster. "The hot tub is open for another half hour and we have to stop for beer on the way."

"But Josh I'm tired...."

"No buts, Donna," he grabbed a pair of his board shorts and popped into the bathroom to change while she slipped into a bikini, covering herself with a large towel. 

They were out the door quickly and Donna was relieved to see they were the only guests in the pool area when she'd arrived. Her sisters words were eating at her and she was suddenly uncomfortable but she didn't want to show it. 

He sank into the hot water as she dipped her feet in next to him. 

"Should you be in there?" 

He looked at her curiously. 

"Your heart," she supplied, slipping out of her cover up and into the water next to him. "Somebody's gotta watch out for you."

"I'll be fine for a few minutes, Donna." He reached out and wrapped his arm around her. "But thanks for looking out for me." He kissed her hair. 

"Donna, I think there's something we need to address."

She sighed, not wanting to rehash the terrible evening they'd just had. She was finally relaxing a little bit. 

"You brought me to Wisconsin, told me I couldn't make dairy jokes, AND THEN," he shot her a dull dimpled smile, "your mom served us cheese soup for dinner! I'm only human, Donna. And I think I showed quite a bit of restraint tonight."

She laughed with him. Josh always had a way of brightening her mood. It was just so easy to be with him. 

"Alright, let's head back up," he told her after a few minutes. "I'm dying to dig through those boxes your Mom sent."

"Oh jeeze," she said, knowing there would be embarrassing photos and mementos inside. "Hand me a towel, would you," she asked, still submerged. 

"No," he told her.

She looked at him curiously. "No?"

"Donna, it's been two years since I was able to ogle you in a bikini. I'm making you get out on your own," he smirked. 

She raised her eyebrows at him. He was becoming a little more forward with her all the time- and she loved it. 

OooooooooooO

Saturday found Donna meeting up with old friends for brunch. Josh bowed out, telling her he'd be back to pick her up in a few hours. 

Josh drove across town and double checked the address on the front of the building. It was fairly easy to get an appointment, which honestly enraged Josh all the more. 

Donna's father was a banker and Josh thought that maybe they'd be able to see eye to eye if they just sat down and had a conversation like two men. 

So there he was. 

To say that Bill Moss was surprised to see Josh would have been an understatement. 

He showed the younger man into his office and swiftly closed the door before rounding his desk to have a seat. 

The two didn't bother to exchange formalities. Josh dove right in. 

"Donna doesn't know I'm here and I'd appreciate it if we kept it that way."

Bill Moss nodded his head in understanding. 

"It's been one hell of a year for her," he began. "And I'd like to know if you and your wife intend to repair your relationship with your daughter or if you're going to keep her at arms length."

Josh paced around the room. 

"Now wait just a minute," he raised his voice. "I won't let you come in here and order me around. That's MY daughter you're talking about." 

"With all due respect, sir, you haven't acted like her family for the last few years. I know she hasn't been home much and I know she doesn't call as often as you'd like. But when she was damn near death for the better part of the last 6 months where in the hell were you?!" Josh could no longer contain his rage. 

"I won't take this from you, Mr. Lyman. Donna has always been a sweet girl, but she lives in her own imagination. She doesn't need you filling her brain with images that she's some important politician. I appreciate your concern for her after the accident but there's no need for you to continue caring for her. We won't say anything to the press."

"The press? The press?!" Josh was incredulous. "You think that's what's happening? That we want what's best for Donna because of the PR?!"

"Her mother and I are well aware of how... infatuated she is with you, but maybe this is the appropriate time for Donna to find a life for which she's better suited. Find a nice man here in Wisconsin, start a family..."

Josh was close to losing it. "Not that anyone has cared to notice but Donna is capable of making those decisions for herself. All I'm asking is that you respect what she's done for herself- all that she has accomplished. The President of the United States knows her by name. He values her opinion!" Josh took a few deep breaths, knowing it wouldn't do any good to have a screaming match with this man. "All I'm asking is that you let her make her own decision. Show her a little love while she's here. She wants her family in her life."

"And when she decides to stay in Wisconsin I need you to respect that."

Josh would do that, but only for Donna. Whatever made her happy. He moved towards the door. The meeting was clearly over. 

"Mr. Lyman, how much do we owe you for taking care of her recovery?"

Josh turned to look at the older man with a look usually reserved for Republican leadership. "She doesn't owe me anything. And just for the record, Bill, I'm pretty damn infatuated with her too."

OoooooooooooO

Sunday's family outing hadn't been any more successful than Fridays dinner, Josh thought. They were really beating a dead horse, here. He understood Donna's need to try an repair the relationship but he just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that they were so cold to her. 

They'd eaten a tense lunch at a local restaurant, the awkward conversation, or lack thereof, frequently interrupted by Donna's friends and neighbors stopping by to wish her well. It seemed they were in at the hottest spot in town. Josh beamed with pride as one by one people stopped to tell her how glad they were to see her- that they were so proud of her for working in the White House. And she'd introduced them to Josh, who was not at all surprised by the plethora of people who loved Donna Moss. He was so glad to see this part of her life. To share it with her. 

But they'd walked into the parking lot and Donna's mother and told her it was time to come home. That she needed to face reality and quit playing around in DC. That she better move home now. "Get your things and have him drop you off at the house, Donna," they told her. "Well see you this afternoon."

Josh bit his tongue until they were back at the hotel. She hasn't said anything either. He paced around a bit, scrubbing his hands over his face and waiting for her to say something. 

"I- I don't know what to say," she told him, sitting on the end of the bed, defeated. 

"Just say SOMETHING," he told her. 

"Maybe they're right," she stated softly. 

"Donna, DAMNIT!" His open hand slapped the wall with force. "You're going to give up that easily?"

"It's been over a month, Josh, and I still don't remember anything." She began to cry. 

He knelt in front of her. Anger, fear, panic over losing her all courses through him. "Don't cry," he told her wiping her tears. "I'm not letting you give up that easily."

She tried to choke back the tears but was unable to stop them from flowing. "They're just trying to help," she sobbed. "Maybe they know what's best for me."

"If they wanted what was best for you I don't understand why they can't just be supportive of all you've achieved."

"You have no idea what it's like for them, having someone they love who doesn't remember the nature of their relationship!"

"Believe me, Donnatella, I have some idea," he shouted, wandering over towards the window to put some space between them. 

She sat down on the edge of the bed and thought about everything that had happened that day- that month, really. And through all the bad and the ugly there had been Josh. Her anchor. 

For all the doubt she'd let seep into her mind about their relationship it was becoming more as more clear all the time. You don't go home and endure a weekend with someone's family so she'll stay your assistant. You don't move someone into your apartment to help her recover just because you think you're leveling the score. And you don't sit by someone's bedside for 136 days because they're just your friend. 

"Josh," she looked up at him. "Let's go home."


	13. Chapter 13

They'd flown back to DC Sunday evening, Donna holding her head high. She may have been lost but she was more and more sure that she'd made the right decision. This was her life now, in DC, with Josh and her friends. It was what she'd always wanted, and it was what made her happy. 

She'd been determined not to look back any longer. She'd asked Josh for more responsibilities in the work she was doing from home and she'd been given the ok to start heading back into the office part time the following week. 

Josh, for his part, had been somewhat morose. It had scared the hell out of him when she'd mentioned returning to Wisconsin. He could barely breathe until they were back in DC, sure that she was really with him. He'd spent the bulk of the night lying awake staring at his ceiling trying to figure out what he was going to do- but it had to be something. 

In his head he told himself that she was still there, just down the hall, and that this was his second chance. But in reality, he knew it wasn't. His second chance was when she'd come back to him that April. His third when she'd stayed with him through transition and into the White House. The fourth after Rosalyn, the fifth that Christmas and so the story goes. 

He swore that if she woke up he wouldn't miss another opportunity, so Josh threw the covers off and was at the door to her room before he even thought about what was happening. 

He knocked softly and she cracked the door, sleepy eyed in a tank top and boy shorts. "Josh? What's wrong?"

Finally face to face with her, he gave himself a mental pep talk. "Donna, would you like to join me at the state dinner tomorrow night?"

She looked at him for a minute, as though she were trying to determine the root of his intentions. 

"Yes," she finally smiled. 

"Great," his dimples made an appearance. "It's formal, but um, you have a dress in the closet. You bought it for inauguration but didn't get to wear it."

"Was there anything else?"

"Oh," he stepped back. "No. I'm sorry, go back to sleep."

"You're sure," she asked again. "Nothing else?"

He furrowed his brow. 

Damn, she thought. He is bad with women. 

"Joshua," she said softly, closing the space between them and softly touching his chin to bring his face to hers. They stared at each other for a moment before Donna stood on her tip toes and kissed him, leaving little up to interpretation this time. 

Josh responded immediately with equal enthusiasm, pulling her closer in his arms. He'd had dreams that started this way. But this wasn't a dream. He was kissing Donna, who was clad in her underwear, in the middle of the night. Not quite the romance he'd envisioned when it came to her. 

He pulled back only slightly, both of them breathless, as Josh leaned his forehead against hers, stealing a million more tiny kisses as they stood in the dark, completely unaware of anything but each other. Donna's arms were wrapped contently around his neck, her fingers softly toying with his curls. 

He wasn't sure how long they stayed like that- if it was up to him he would have never moved from the spot. 

Donna made the next move as well, her hands trailing down his chest to the hem of his shirt, her nails dancing along his abs. 

"Donna," he groaned. "You're killing me," he kissed her neck."But we're going... to do this... right..." his train of thought derailed again as her hands flitted around the elastic on his boxers. "No," he eventually took a step back, catching her off guard. "Not like this," he amended, kissing her chastely again. "I'm going to woo you, Donna Moss."

She giggled a little. "You're going to woo me?"

"Well I'm at least going to take you to dinner," he told her, knowing his shortcomings in that department. 

That amused her greatly. "Then get some sleep. I hear you've got a hot date tomorrow," she kid him, returning to the guest room and leaving Josh in the hallway, starry eyed and so completely enthralled.

OoooooooooO

After a very long, very cold shower Josh got a little sleep. Donna was up before him the next morning, perched on the counter in her pajamas drinking a cup of coffee when he came into the kitchen. 

"Hi," she grinned at him, her mind going a little blank. He looked so good in the morning. He walked over to greet her and she grabbed him by the tie, pulling him close. After a few minutes of making out in his kitchen like horny teenagers, Josh felt Donna's legs wrap around his waist and became cognizant of where, exactly, his own hands were. 

"I'm going to be late," he whispered with regret as she untangled herself from him. 

He moved around uncomfortably, trying to regain his composure. 

"Have a good day," she hopped down from the counter and kissed him goodbye. Josh walked around with a stupid grin on his face all day. 

OoooooooO

Donna booked herself an early nail appointment and then returned to Josh's in search of a pair of shoes to match the gorgeous dress that she'd apparently picked out months ago. She grabbed the keys to his downstairs storage locker and began to rummage through her boxes. 

She found a pair of gorgeous black pumps that would go perfectly with her gown but decided to keep opening boxes- what else was she doing this morning?

She fumbled through some random housewares and linens before reaching a box that contained some of her knickknacks. She reached in and pulled out a leather bound book, flipping it open to find her old diary. 

Yes, she thought. Perfect. 

Donna locked up and headed back to Josh's kitchen, making herself a cup of tea and curling up to read her thoughts until it was time to get ready. 

OooooooooO

Donna closed the diary, her mind spinning. Though she didn't remember any of it, per say, most of the lingering questions in her mind were now answered. The life everyone has told her about seemed so real now. She'd read it in her own words. And Josh- oh, Josh. It wasn't just some newfound infatuation- he was everything to her. It wasn't her imagination. 

She glanced over at the two dozen long stem roses he'd sent her earlier in the afternoon knew it was time to really act on what she felt- and what she'd patently felt all those years. 

She did her hair and makeup, slipped into some racy undergarments and put on the black silk gown that had been waiting in the closet. 

The driver rang the bell right on cue to take her to the White House and she gave herself a final once over in the floor length mirror. 

"This is it, Donna," she told herself. "Time to go get your man."

OoooooooooO

Josh stood behind his desk, reading a last minute brief. He'd changed into his tuxedo and Donna would be arriving momentarily. 

He glanced up from his reading when he heard Ed whistle and Larry toss out a "Looking good, Donna." 

And there she was, in his doorway. Josh stood, rounding the desk and gaping at her. "You look amazing," he told her. He was awestruck. 

She closed the distance between them with only a few steps. They were both sappy, lovesick versions of their normal selves today. She straightened his lapel and tied his bow tie. It was almost a reflex. As soon as she finished he leaned in to kiss her. 

"I've always wanted to be able to do that," he told her. 

Her brow immediately furrowed, making him recoil a bit. 

"What," he asked. "No good?" Was he already blowing this?

"Oh, very good," she assured him, giving him a peck on the lips. "It's just... I don't know how to tie a bow tie."

"What? Of course you do... oh. Oh. Do you remember something?" He softly held both of her hands with his and waited for her response. 

She concentrated as hard as she could but it just wasn't coming to her. She shrugged her shoulders, somewhat defeated. "No, I guess not. Must be muscle memory or something."

Josh gently kissed the palm of each of her hands. "It's still a big step," he told her, holding her for a moment. "Shall we?" He asked eventually and lead her into the party on his arm. 

Donna found most of the faces in the ballroom to be familiar. She conversed with White House staffers and enjoyed herself immensely. 

She spoke candidly with Dr. Bartlet about her recovery and accepted so many sincere compliments about how well she seemed to be doing. The stark contrast of how the evening played out in comparison to her trip to Wisconsin was not lost on her. 

Eventually Josh asked her to dance. They made their way to the middle or the dance floor and her slipped his arms around her, pulling her close to his body. She rest her head on his shoulder as they sway to the music. 

"You know," he began quietly, so only she could hear. "We've danced at every formal dinner since the first campaign. And I always wanted to hold you this close. Always, Donna. I want you to know that."

She gave his hand a little squeeze, acknowledging what he was saying. 

"Donna, I did a lot of things wrong when it comes to you. I'm not going to make the same mistakes twice," he told her. "I fought so hard to convince myself that the job was more important, and that everything else could wait but that's not the case. You're the most important part of my life, Donna. I've been head over heels in love with you for years," he swallowed hard. He'd finally said it to her. "And I know that given the situation that may be hard for you to understand and please don't feel like you have to-"

"Joshua," she silenced his rambling, looking him in the eyes. "I've loved you for a long time time, too. I found my diary today and I think it's pretty clear what was happening between us. But more than that, even if those years never come back to me, we have the last 6 weeks and we have the rest of our lives. And I do love you, Josh. Even in the muddied waters of my life right now, nothing has ever been more clear to me." 

You could have knocked him over with a feather. He leaned in and kissed her softly, not wanting to make a scene in the middle of a state dinner. 

"Joshua," she whispered seductively. "Let's go home."

That was the second time she said that to him in a week, and though she was implying vastly different things both times, Josh's heart responded in an equally joyous way to both. 

XxxxxxxxxxxxxX

Yay, some happiness! I was really getting myself down. Lol. Hope you're enjoying!!


	14. Chapter 14

Donna shifted under the covers and moved her body closer to Josh, who immediately tightened his embrace on her in his sleep. 

It was a rare morning when neither of them had to wake for an alarm clock and rush off to an appointment so Donna just enjoyed his presence. Her hands drifted to his bicep, tracing small patters on his arm and eventually causing him to stir. 

He mumbled something incoherent and moved around a bit before dosing off again, and thoroughly amusing Donna. 

Only a few moments later Josh's cell phone rang. Work, it seemed, somehow managed to always stand in their way. 

He rolled over and grabbed it, answering with a somewhat exasperated "Josh Lyman."

She could tell it was the office, but she didn't let it deter her, a small smile creeping up in the corners of her mouth. 

She let her nails run up and down his side, causing his eyebrows to shoot up as he looked over at her, just in time for her hand to splay across his abs. 

"Uh huh." He said distractedly into the phone, still watching her. 

She made eye contact with him, a wicked grin crawling across her face as she ducked under the sheets. 

Josh sat on the phone call, somewhat stunned, trying to act like he was hearing even a word of what the chief of staff was saying as he watched her move under the sheets. 

When her lips softly made contact with a sensitive spot on the inside of his thigh he let out an involuntary yelp, startling Leo on the other end of the phone. 

She knew she had his complete attention. 

"I uh- I'll be there in a bit. Gotta go." He promptly flipped the phone shut, liking the way his morning was starting out. 

OooooooooO

Josh had called to let her know that a few hours would likely turn into all day- but hay he promised to be home for dinner. 

Truth be told, that was fine. She'd wanted to spend time with him, of course, but she understood that he had an important job- besides, it was a beautiful day and she wouldn't mind getting out and about a bit. She grabbed her purse and set out for a long, leisurely walk. 

She wandered somewhat mindlessly around Georgetown, unable to shake a certain foggy image. She'd woken up with it on her mind. She'd been sitting on the floor of Josh's office with him, surrounded by papers and binders. There wasn't anything overly alarming about his office, but the look on his face was seared into her mind. Rationally, she thought that she'd probably pieced it together through stories she'd heard, the visit to the White House and photos she'd seen. But there was something, just something she couldn't put her finger on that made her think that no- this memory was hers.

Sure, she could have asked Josh about it, but for now she wanted to keep this all to herself. She wanted so badly to remember. 

She'd been walking for about an hour when she decided to pop into a coffee shop. She was waiting patiently for her order when she heard her. 

"Donna?"

She looked around and that's when she saw him, moving across the room towards her as Donna's mind went into overdrive.

Cliff Calley. Red. 

OoooooooooO 

Coming home to Donna after a long day, Josh decided, was perhaps the best thing in his life. He could certainly get used to it. 

He found her curled up on the living room couch when he'd arrived and he hadn't hesitated to join her. Since it was Sunday he was dressed fairly causally to begin with, and after toeing off his shoes he joined her under the small blanket, pulling her into his arms. 

He hasn't meant to wake her, but she stirred the none the less, burrowing in a little closer to him. 

"You're home," she remarked sleepily. 

Josh responded by kissing the top of her head. "Go back to sleep," he told her. 

But sleep wouldn't come. Donna enjoyed the still moments between the two of him, just reveling in his presence before she spoke. 

"Josh," she asked tentatively. She hated to be deceptive, especially with how good he had been to her but she needed to know that he wasn't sugar coating their past. She'd had a long, albeit awkward, conversation with Cliff that afternoon, and she now understood just a little bit more of her past. "What happened with Cliff Calley?"

His body immediately tensed. "What do you mean?"

"Obviously, Josh, I'm not sure what I mean. That's what I'm asking you." She didn't mean to last out at him, but her voice contained considerably more spite than she'd intended. 

Josh rolled away from her a bit, scrubbing his hand over his face. This was not the conversation he'd intended to have with her tonight. 

"Alright. But may I ask how this all came up?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I bumped into Cliff today while I was out."

Josh whipped his head around. "And you talked to Cliff?"

"Calm down," she told him, losing her patience. "We were both at La Patisserie waiting for our coffees. He saw me and said hello. Told me he was glad to see me out and about. Jesus, Josh. Not everyone is out to get me."

Josh grumbled something incoherent under his breath before coming to some strange realization. "Why were you at La Patisserie? It's on the other side of town."

"I was looking for apartments. I'd seen an add in the classifieds so I stopped in on he way."

"APARTMENTS?!" he shrieked. 

"Yes, Josh," she told him slowly, being just a bit condescending. "I'm going back to work tomorrow, I'm getting to know the city again and I've got most of my strength back. Stands to reason that I'd get my own place. We discussed that when I agreed to stay here, Josh. But you're getting side tracked. Tell me about Cliff."

And so he did. As delicately as he could, he explained it to her. That they'd been out a few times, the MS hearings, the deposition and the diary. 

"You did that? For me?" She asked, staring at the profile of his face. 

Josh concentrated on a random spot on the floor. He shrugged his shoulders as if it was no big deal. But it was. It was a huge deal. 

"Can I ask you something," she hedged. 

He looked over to her, waiting for her question. 

"What did the diary say? What was in it?"

He shook his head. "I have no idea. I never read it."

Donna had a pretty good idea. "Okay... well, where is it? I was going through my things the other day and I found some of my older journals. They had some stories and photos in them, but nothing for the year or so leading up to my accident. I thought I'd just stopped keeping one."

"It's in the safe in my bedroom," he told her. 

She nodded her head solemnly. "I'm sorry, Josh," she told him, her throat somewhat scratchy from attempting not to sob. "I should have never put you in that position."

"You did the right thing by coming to me, Donna," he cut her off. He couldn't stand to have this conversation over and over again. "Always come to me first."

She nodded her head absently, trying to process what he'd told her. "I know," she told him, leaning over to give him a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, Josh."

"Now, about this apartment," he began. "Donna, you're not moving out."

She shot him a glare before he could even finish his sentence, raising her eyebrows incredulously.

He would realize later that he'd handled that poorly. If he would have phrased that one sentence differently, things wouldn't have unraveled. But he didn't. 

"You don't get to tell me what to do, Josh," she muttered quietly. 

"The hell I don't," he spat. In his mind, he just wanted to protect her. In his heart he couldn't put her into danger in any way. But he wasn't thinking about the words that were coming out of his mouth. 

That ignited something inside of Donna. Something she'd felt before with Mark, a need to flee and to be able to be her own person. All of the things she'd learned about Josh in the last weeks had made her think he wouldn't be like this. That he'd give her the space she needed. And beyond that she though he'd want it too. He seemed like the type of guy who would panic at the thought of living with his girlfriend. 

Sure, he'd been amazing during her recovery but after last night she wasn't sure where they stood. 

"I need some space, Josh," she told him. "And I'm sure you'd like some too. We're both adults here, you don't have to try and spare my feelings."

His eyebrows shot up. The last thing he wanted was more distance between them. Every alarm bell inside of his head was ringing, forcing him into a borderline panic. And suddenly, he realized what she was implying. 

"Donna," he almost pleaded, walking towards her. "It wasn't a one night stand. You have to believe me. This is years in the making. This- I- I don't even know what to say," he scrubbed his hands over his face. His frustration was rising beyond his control. "I've been in love with you for years, and I finally take the leap and you think it's just a nights worth of sex?!" 

"Well what am I supposed to think," she yelled. "I've only known you for a few weeks! And in those few weeks you've made practically every decision for me. You've micro managed every move I've made and told me how to act and what to do! You're smothering me!" She blinked a few moments before his words truly began to process in her mind. "Wait," she asked him in a soft tone. "You're in love with me?"

"OF COURSE I AM!" He shouted. He would later reflect on the fact that those words shouldn't have been yelled in such a tone, in that time. But nothing was making sense to him at that moment. He hit the wall of his apartment with an open fist, trying to make sense of something- anything. "Damnit!"

She stood in the middle of the living room, stunned into complete silence. Her first instinct was to flee- but where would she go? This was home. She realized she could call CJ but she stopped herself before she gave much weight to that thought. They didn't abandon each other. She wasn't going to run out like this. She did, however, need a moment to compose herself. And it was clear that Josh needed the same. 

"I'm going to go take a bath and go to sleep," she told him in a monotone, not meeting his gaze. "Dinner is in the oven."

Josh sat on the couch for a few minutes trying to collect his thoughts. This was a mess. As many times as he'd imagined how things would go between the two of him- even knowing his tendency to screw up relationships- he didn't imagine it like this. But truth be told, it made some kind of sense to him once he really thought it over. 

She was still Donna- kind, smart and fun. But in the last weeks she wasn't -his- Donna. And last night, while amazing, just felt... off. He mentally kicked himself, hoping he hadn't moved too fast. He didn't want to take advantage of her in any way and hoped that she realized that. Even though they'd grown in the last weeks and he could easily tell the attraction was mutual, it was still missing something. He was the only one who truly knew their history- their past. And as much as he could tell her about it she still didn't fully feel the depth of their connection at this point.

Josh sighed, knowing there was nothing he could do about that. He stood and walked to the door, knocking lightly after he heard the water turn off. 

He entered when he heard her soft 'come in' and found her relaxing in a tub of bubbles, a candle burning in the corner. 

"Can we start again," he asked?

She opened her eyes at the sound of his voice, meeting his gaze and nodded her agreement. 

"Hi," he greeted softly, leaning in to kiss her hello. "I missed you today."

Josh sat down on the bathroom floor, leaving back against the tub. 

She lay her head back, closing her eyes, her hand naturally gravitating to his curls. 

"Donna," he sighed, "I really don't want you to move out. I love having you here. I love coming home to you. Hell, you're what makes it home."

Her finger looped loosely through a curl. "And I love being here. Being with you. This has nothing to do with that. I just- I need to know I can do it. Make it on my own. Hearing it isn't enough."

He didn't say anything. He understood why she felt that way- he did. And he wanted her to truly know what a strong and capable woman she is, not to just take everyone else's word for it. It felt to him, however, like he was losing her all over again. But no matter how he felt, all he really wanted was for Donna to be happy. And if that meant that they took a step backwards then so be it. But he didn't have to like it. 

Josh sat there in the silence, just drinking in her presence, until she flipped the drain and released the now lukewarm water. 

He stood, unfolding her towel in anticipation of wrapping it around her. 

She remained where she was, looking at him somewhat uncomfortably. Even though they'd been together the night prior she was still caught off guard by his actions. 

"Oh," he blushed, realizing what gave her pause. "I'm sorry, I'll just..." he hooked his thumb over his shoulder to point towards the bedroom, exiting and closing the door gently behind him. 

He sat on the edge of the mattress and waited until she emerged, wrapped in a fluffy towel. Silently, she sat beside him, tucking her hair behind her ears and staring nervously at the floor. 

The sun was setting and the room was getting darker in the fading evening light. She eventually moved closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. 

"I'm scared, Josh," she finally told him in a soft voice. 

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him. "Me too," he admitted. 

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 

Hi guys! Sorry for the long delay- things have been crazy with work and attempting in vain to take a "vacation." If you're still reading, thank you!!! Hope you enjoy the update!


	15. Chapter 15

The next weeks found Josh and Donna getting back into a rhythm. Donna returned to work a few hours a week, assisting the senior staff in various research endeavors and lending Josh a hand on a few specific projects. She was exhausted, adding work to her already rigorous PT schedule, but Donna still found time to track down a new apartment. Josh remained quiet on the topic after his protests only lead to fighting. He knew he needed to let her do it. Still, it hurt. He began to draw into himself more and more, becoming increasingly irritable to those around him while still trying to act like nothing was bothering him.

Donna had signed a month to month lease on a studio apartment only a few blocks away from Josh’s place, across the street from CJ. It had been a little more than Donna wanted to pay, but truth be told she liked the proximity of the apartment to Josh’s. She’d signed the lease and picked up the keys two days prior, excitedly hauling Josh over there as soon as he was home from work. She wanted him to see it- his opinion mattered to her more than she admitted most of the time. He plastered on a fake smile and looked around, trying his best to be happy for her. 

He’d retreated to his study for the evening when they’d arrived back at his apartment, telling her that he wasn’t hungry for dinner and barely saying another word on the subject. Donna didn’t bring it up again.

A few cardboard boxes sat stacked against the far wall as Donna dusted off some of the belongings she hadn’t seen… well, ever, it felt like. Kitchen items here and there that she hadn’t bothered to unearth when she’d combed through the boxes in storage weeks prior, some linens that desperately needed to be aired out and washed and a handful of refrigerator magnets in a small bag. Donna grabbed the bag and stood, wandering over to the small kitchen and placing the cheery magnets on the fridge. There were a few cutesy decorative magnets here and there, and a few souvenirs from different places they’d visited- a New York skyline, a magnetic shell from a beach in Florida and a cactus from… Donna turned the magnet over and frowned, seeing no indications of where she’d picked it up. She placed it on the fridge, front and center, and stared at it, brow furrowed. Like so many things lately, Donna felt like she was so close to remembering its origin story. It was like she was right there, at the edge of some dense fog. She thought and thought about it, trying to hard to clear the smoke that invaded her mind and see the memory. She sighed. 

She’d been so close so many times. Just right on the cusp of figuring things out. She was beginning to find her way around the city, and The White House with ease again. At first she noticed it when she’d perfectly tied Josh’s bowtie at the State Dinner, and then again when she ended up in the right place in the OEOB in search of records. She hadn’t been paying much attention to where she was going, and she just ended up there- right where she needed to be in search of a old draft of a few things for Josh. At first she chalked it up to well marked signs, that she read without even thinking, but it only took her a few seconds to realize she’d walked there from something almost resembling muscle memory. It put her on alert, but she didn’t dwell on it, afraid to jinx herself. 

A few days later she’d gone out to pick up lunch, dialing the number to order Josh’s favorite sandwich from memory and recognizing cashier, calling him by name. She hadn’t said a word to anyone about all of this, needing to figure it out for herself. She didn’t want to jinx it and she didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up. 

Donna shook it off, grabbing her purse to head back to Josh’s for another load of boxes. She meandered down the street, waiting to cross as a large diesel truck drove through traffic. She felt a smile pull at the corners of her mouth as she chuckled internally, thinking of how out of place Toby and Josh seemed to be riding around in the back of the truck in Indiana. ‘Oh, that’s right,’ she said nonchalantly to herself. ‘Josh bought me that stupid cactus magnet in Indiana because its all he could find and he was trying to make up for.. “oh my god.” This time, she was speaking out loud. She’d stopped walking right in the middle of the street. She remembered. She remembered Indiana. The campaign. Josh. The White House…

“Taxi!” Donna hailed a cab immediately, her mind running a million miles an hour. Mark. Nashua. The campaign. DC. The White House. Rosslyn. Red Lights. Josh. Christmas. Late nights, missed opportunities.

“Where to,” the driver asked.

“The White House,” Donna blurted out, sure of who she needed to see. “And hurry.”

As they made their way the relatively short distance Donna let it all wash over her again. And she was amazed. Not only by her revelation but by all of it. Her job, her life, her friends… but mostly, by Josh. She’d wanted this for years. There had always been that special something between them and now… now they had it. She thought she would burst if she had to wait even another five minutes to see him. Handing the driver his cash she almost ran to the guard gate of The White House, frantic to see Josh.

OoooooooooooO

Josh stood behind his desk, shuffling through files and shouting for his temp. Nothing had gone right for him that day. He briefly glanced up at her when he saw her in the doorway, raising his eyebrows at her flustered appearance. 

“What are you doing here today,” he asked shortly, noticing her casual black sundress. She was scheduled to be off of work and moving her things into her new place. He wasn’t amused by the situation. 

She continued to wordlessly stare at him, biting her lip. After just a moment he could tell how wild-eyed she appeared to be. He snapped to attention. 

“Donna?” He questioned, immediately concerned that something was wrong.

She stepped inside, shutting the door to the bullpen behind her and leaning against it. “You jumped in with me,” she said so quietly he could barely hear her. 

“What? What did you just say?” He questioned her, still unable to move, studying her face intently.

“You jumped,” she stated, finding her voice just a little bit more. “You jumped into the hole with me.” Tears began to pool in her eyes. 

Comprehension of what she was saying flashed through his mind and he crossed the room in only a few steps, clamoring to reach her and throwing the files down to land wherever they may. He stopped in front of her, only inches away from her. He studied her face curiously. “Why did you say that?”

She said nothing, only meeting his eyes. That was his answer.

He cupped her face gently, swiping the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. “You remember,” he whispered hoarsely. It was more of a statement than a question. 

She nodded slightly, barely licking her lips. 

Josh didn’t hesitate. He leaned down and met her eager lips with his, kissing her breathless. He felt a rush of emotion, course through him, and he couldn’t help but notice how different this all felt to him. Kissing her had immediately become an entirely new experience. He could feel the change in her too. All of their history- everything that they’d shared from the day the met- it was there again. 

“I love you,” he told her between soft rapid kisses, his fingers in her hair as her arms circled his neck. “I’ve missed you,” he added, as the tears welled up in Josh’s eyes. He couldn’t help it. This was all he’d wanted for so long. “Move in with me?” His lips met her again. 

She muttered her consent not wishing for any distance between them. Though she’d been adamant about finding her independence only the day prior, that didn’t matter anymore. With her memories flooding back she knew exactly who she was. She knew she could make it on her own. And she knew just how much she wanted this with Josh.

His right arm still wrapped firmly around her waist, he took a few steps backwards, until he was in reach of the backpack thrown haphazardly into his visitors chair. He dug through the front pocket blindly, his attention still devoted to Donna. He felt what he was looking for, pulling it into his hand and breaking away from Donna only slightly. He softly kissed her nose, resting his forehead against hers. “I have one more question for you,” he told her, a full dimpled grin spreading across her face.

“Hmm,” she asked, her eyes still closed as she let his curls loop around her fingers.

She opened her eyes to take him in when he drew a deep breath, steadying himself for quite possibly the most important question he’d ever ask.

“Donnatella Moss, will you marry me?”

Her jaw dropped. 

He fumbled the ring box only slightly, flipping it open to present the large solitaire diamond to her.

“I- Of course I will.” She practically lunged at him, holding him close. He buried his face in her neck. He truly had everything he wanted.

OoooooooooooooO

A few hours later they lay, tangled in each other, in Josh’s bed. Her hands traced patterns across his bare chest as his played with her silky hair. Neither of them had spoken for several minutes, both content to enjoy the silence in the other’s presence. 

“You’re sure,” he asked meekly, finally speaking into the dark room.

“Sure about what,” she responded, moving slightly to look up at him.

“Sure you want to marry me?”

A huge smile spread across her face. “Of course I am. I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. I just don’t know how I got so lucky.”

“Lucky?!” He asked somewhat incredulously. 

“Absolutely,” she kissed his cheek. “After all, I did get to fall in love with you twice.”

THE END

 

XxxxxxxxxX

Thanks to everyone who stuck with me on this one! I know its been a slow process, but I really had fun writing something a bit different. I’ve also got a few more things cooking and I can’t wait to write more for Ballots and Bows! You guys are the best! Have a great weekend ☺


End file.
